James Grillo

 

Hello,
My name is James Grillo from South Carolina. My wife and I have our wedding anniversary coming up soon. I noticed she viewed your website recently on my laptop and I guess she likes your piece of work. I’m also impressed and amazed to have seen your various works, too. You are doing a great job.

I would like to receive further information about your piece of work and what inspires you. I am interested in the purchase of the piece (in subject field above) to surprise my wife. Kindly confirm the availability for immediate sales.

Thanks and best regards,

James

 

Dear James,
I’m so sorry for the delayed response — I dropped a VCR on my foot and had to go to the ER. I got an MRI and fortunately everything is fine.

Thanks for your nice words about my art, and I’m flattered your wife likes my piece of work. Believe it or not, the painting you inquired about was actually made by fastening paint-soaked sponges to Cocker Spaniels and letting them roll around on a canvas. It’s a very special piece, and smelly.

The cost is $1,924.13 plus freight. Please let me know if you are interested as I have another couple from North Carolina interested in the same piece.

All the best and Happy Holidays,

Jim

 

Dear Jim,
Thanks for the message, however am so sorry about your feet and am glad you are okay now. I must tell you I intend to give my wife a surprise with the immediate purchase of the piece. Also if you’d like to know, I am relocating to the Philippines soon, and our wedding anniversary is fast approaching, so I’m trying to gather some good stuff to make this event a surprise one. I am buying the piece as part of gifts to her (quickly before someone else grabs it). I am okay with the price and I will be sending a check.

As regarding shipping, you don’t have to worry about that in order not to leave any clue to my wife for the surprise. As soon as you receive and cash the check, my shipping agent (who is also moving my personal effects) will contact you to arrange pick-up.

I would have come to purchase the piece, myself, but, at the moment am on a training voyage to the North Atlantic Ocean (I’m an ocean engineer) with new hires who are fresh from graduate school and won’t be back for another couple of weeks.

P.S. In the meantime, kindly get back to me with your full name, phone number and contact address where a check can be mailed to, so I can get the check prepared and have it mailed out to you right away.

James

 

Dear James,
Thanks for your concern about my foot. It doesn’t hurt anymore but it’s so purple from bruising you might mistake it for an eggplant! My VCR no longer works, though.

It might take me a few more days to send the piece you inquired about. My gallery has informed me that it is currently in an exhibition called “Works of ARF: Paintings by and About Dogs” (see my previous email). I had no idea, but it sounds like a fun show and my Cocker Spaniels, Lucy and Mordecai, are thrilled. The show ends this week, so I can have it ready for pick-up by Friday.

If you prefer not to wait, perhaps there is another painting on my web site you would like, such as “Werewolf Grandma” 2010, oil on canvas, or “Mermaid with Cowboy Boots” 2011, oil on canvas (that one has a maritime theme, which may interest you since you are an ocean engineer).

In any case, let me know if you would rather wait for the first painting you asked about. Do you need my studio address or my home address for the check?

Best wishes,
Jim

 

 

Hi Jim,
Am glad your foot is okay. Thanks be to God. Am sure very soon the bruise shall fade off. Mistaking it for an eggplant is quite hilarious. Friday is still very okay. Am cool with that. You can send me your home address so that the check can be mailed as soon as possible

Thanks,
James

 

Hello James,
Indeed, my foot is feeling very blessed, but I have bad news about the painting. It seems some cat burglars broke into the gallery where the dog art show was being held and stole my piece! They also took a watercolor made by a Golden Retriever and peed on the floor. It’s terrible—the detectives are saying the thieves cut a big hole in the window with a glass-cutter and crawled right in.

Would you be willing to take “Dancing Asparagus with Underpants” 2012, oil on canvas, instead? It looks basically exactly almost the same as the other one and I can sell it for half the price: $962.06. I’m sure your wife will still be surprised.

I hope this is ok with you. Please let me know and I’ll send you my home address. It would be great to make this sale so I can pay for all of the medical expenses from my foot injury and also buy a new VCR.

Sincerely,
Jim

 

Dear Jim,
Thanks for the message. Am so sorry about the incident and I hope the culprits are apprehended soon enough. It’s okay, I will go for the piece “Dancing Asparagus with Underpants” 2012, oil on canvas. I like it and the price is fair enough. I am okay with the price $962.06. Am so sorry about all that has happened to you.

 

Hello James,
Sorry for the lapse in communication. I have been at the police station helping to identify the cat burglars who stole my piece, and we think we may have nabbed them. Their names are “Whiskers” McGraw and “Flea-bag” Johnson. I have never seen cats this big and mean before, and Officer Barkley says he hasn’t either.

Now that we have solved the mystery, I can turn my attention back to this sale. You can send the check to P.O. Box 2121, Brooklyn, NY 11205 and I’ll let you know when I receive it.

Happy Anniversary!

Jim

 

P.S. Officer Barkley recovered my painting from the cat burglars, which is intact except for a few scratches from their paws. Do you want to buy that one now, or will you still go with “Dancing Asparagus with Underpants” 2012, oil on canvas?

 

Hello Jim,
Thanks for the details which I’ve noted down. I am glad you recovered your stolen piece. Good job from the police but am no longer interested in it. Am good with “Dancing Asparagus with Underpants.” I will make the check just has you have instructed and I hope to visit your studio with my wife in the nearest future after our anniversary.

Also, in order not to leave any clue to my wife for the surprise, I’ve contacted a client of mine to issue out a check, which will include my shipping agent fees to you, so you may have to help remit the balance to the shipping agent as soon as the check clears your bank. I would have handled this much differently if I’d been at home but am a bit pressed for time and do not have access to a lot of cash over here… trying to kill two birds with a stone.

Jim, I want you to understand that I’m concluding you are a responsible person and I can therefore entrust you with this arrangement. Please I will appreciate if you get back to me ASAP to know if I can entrust you with this transaction.

Many thanks and talk to you soon,

James

 

James,
Apologies for the delay – I was seriously hung-over for like a whole day. But yeah, I am definitely a totally responsible person all the time, except for that time I took my Cocker Spaniels to Vegas and lost them at the Golden Nugget. They still haven’t forgiven me for that (Lucy just gave me that look).

I don’t want to get involved with helping you kill birds with rocks. I don’t know what you’re doing that for, but that’s your business so whatever. I’m sure I can handle sending the extra money to the shipping agent once I get it. I still haven’t gotten it, though.

Hello Jim,

You still have not given me an address where the check can be mailed to. Am so glad I can rely on you for the surprise – once again thanks you for help.

James

Hello James,
I have a situation. “Whiskers” McGraw (the cat who stole my painting) has escaped from jail and now he’s on the loose. I can’t stay at my place for fear of retaliation so I need you to send the check to my neighborhood drugstore:

Walgreens
379 Myrtle Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11205

Don’t worry — they know me there. They always have a bottle of Demerol and a pack of Certs waiting for me when I come by, and they said they could hold my mail for me until the coast is clear. I hope you understand I can’t take any chances. I heard “Whiskers” once killed a guy over a bag of catnip and then buried him in kitty litter. It’s really effed up.

If you don’t want to send it to Walgreens, my friend I am staying with said you could send it to his house:

Oliver C. Peanut
62 Lewis Ave. #4
Brooklyn, NY 11238

Please don’t tell anyone where I am staying, though. Thanks for your understanding!

 

Hello Corey,
Am sorry for responding to your message this late. It has been a busy time for me, despite the fact that it’s Christmas season. Please pardon me the payment has not been made till now. Consider the piece sold to me already and I assure you that the check will be mailed out to you this week. I hope it is okay if he check is mailed out to Oliver C. Peanut 62 Lewis Ave. #4 Brooklyn, NY 11238.

Thanks, Merry Christmas and a prosperous new year.

James

P.S. Sorry about the name. It’s my daughter’s. She’s been giving me a tough time. Please rest assured that I am not going to give out your address to anyone. You can count on that.

And I hope the issue has been resolved already, as you deserve to live freely. I wish you all the best, Jim.

James

 

Hello James,
Not to worry. Corey was the name of my very first German Shepherd – brings back memories!

 

Dear Jim,
Compliment of the season! Hope you are doing great. Just a quick update, the check has been mailed out and will be delivered today to the address given via FedEx.

You would please recall that I explained in my email earlier that the Shipping agent is also helping me move some of my properties along with the piece. Specifically, he will be moving my 1932 Ford Roadster and some personal effects. So, the balance on the check is to cover the shipping fees. Kindly keep me posted as soon as you receive the check, so I can give you the shipper’s information and instructions on how to forward the overage to the shipping agent.

Thanks and I await to read from you.

James.

 

Thanks for the update, James. I will tell Mr. Peanut to keep an eye out for the check as I am keeping a low profile today (hiding). Thanks!

 

Once again thanks a bunch for doing this. I really appreciate it, and I hope the burglar is apprehended soon so that you can live free. Till then please take care of yourself.

James

 

James, hello. I have some bad news about the painting you wanted to buy: “Dancing Asparagus with Underpants” 2012, oil on canvas. My dog ate it. I don’t know how Mordecai got into the shipping crate, but don’t worry – he is being severely punished and I have dressed him up like a baby to remind him of how immature he behaved.

I might be able to send you bits and pieces of the painting, but I won’t know for another 8 to 12 hours. It probably won’t smell very good, so I’ll wrap it up tight in a ziploc bag and send it to you. What is your mailing address? Can I still cash the check?

Best wishes,
Jim

 

Well Jim, my friend, I want to believe and trust you wouldn’t disappoint. Am sure the painting will be dry before it gets to its destination, no doubt about that. You can go ahead and cash the check and proceed with the transaction. And please take it easy on Mordecai.

I know you going to make everything work out.

Thanks,
James

Hi James,
I just wanted to make sure you understood from my last message that my dog ate the painting and it is currently breaking down somewhere inside his digestive system. Thoughts?

 

Dear Jim,
I really don’t know what you want me to do as you have been so careless with the painting. Could I still buy another painting in place of the one the dog ate? If yes, you can go ahead and cash the check, only if it is at the same range with the one I intended to purchase.

James

 

James,
I’m in serious trouble. I’ve been kidnapped by “Whiskers” McGraw! He finally caught up to me, and he’s making me write this e-mail because he wants a ransom of $10,323.67 for my release. He found all of my e-mails to you on my laptop, so he thinks you have a lot of money. I have no one else to turn to since I’m just a starving artist. Can you please help me, James? Whiskers turned my friend Mr. Peanut into peanut butter.

P.S. I told “Whiskers” you are an ocean engineer, and now he wants you to send him 900 cans of sardines.

 

* * *

 

Dear Mr. Grillo,
This is Jim. Someone hacked into my Hotmail account and has been sending messages to you, pretending to be me. I don’t use this e-mail address very often, so I only just noticed it. I do not have a painting for sale called “Dancing Asparagus with Underpants” but maybe I should make one, haha.

 

Okay, did you receive the check I sent? Kindly let me know ASAP.

Thanks,
James

Hello Mr. Grillo,
No, I don’t know who was writing to you before and I don’t know whose address they gave you. Perhaps you would be interested in another painting? I would hate to lose a sale just because of some dishonest person.