Writing as myself, responding to a message that was sent to someone else.
I am Stephen and i need your services as a Artist,want to make a surprise gift for my wife birthday who really love Contemporary painting. Are you an abstract,nature or figurative artist get back to if you are available so we can proceed.
Awaits your favorable response.
Good morning, Stephen. I apologize for the delay in getting back to you. I would be happy to offer my services as Artist to you. What kind of Contemporary painting does your wife like?
Have a wonderful day,
Thanks for your email and i want to to make something like this for my wife as a birthday gift.I work as humanitarian and volunteer so i do travel a lot presently i shuttle between Nepal and Australia to help the victim of Earthquake and fire but am due to be back by October 30 and delivery will be in November.I want you to get it done prior to our arrival,attach to this email is am example of what i want and i dont want you to copy it just make something similar to it.If you are willing to take the offer kindly get back to me with the total cost and am ready to make a deposit of 50% for you to start the job.
I love this image. It’s so festive and colorful! I’d be happy to do something in this style for your wife’s birthday. What size do you want? I will base my price on that.
236 × 472
Got it. Is that inches or centimeters? I don’t see how you could ship something as large as 236 x 472 inches!
I want it in centimeters so let me know the total cost.
That’s still 15 feet x 7.75 feet. How do you intend to ship something
My bad i dont is that large make it 3 feet by 4 feet.
Ok that would cost around $1,200. Is that ok with you? How did you find my work? On the internet?
Ok but can i pay $1100 and payment will be through check and i will need your name and address with cell number also i got your details at artist directory.
That sounds just fine. By the way, do you also go by the name Mary? Your email address says Mary Stephens.
Mary is my wife name which i use in my email am Stephen Estes,awaits your details.
OK I was a little confused, but that makes total sense.
I would have written you back earlier but I was at my daughter Mhavrych’s school performance last night. She played an acorn in her elementary school pageant and it was absolutely adorable. Unfortunately, when we were on our way home, Mhavrych was bitten by a squirrel and we had to go to the hospital to get her a rabies shot. I think we got there in time, but you can be sure that I will be keeping a close eye on her over the next few days for any sign of rabies!
In any case, below is my address where you can send the check:
393 E Franklin Ave
Minneapolis, MN 55404
Please let me know if you need anything else!
OK and i need your direct cell number.
Sorry about that. It’s 612-591-XXXX
Good morning, Stephen. Do you have a tracking number for the check? I need to run out and buy some antibiotics for my daughter Mhavrych and I don’t want to miss the delivery. Thanks a bunch!
How are you doing today,guess fine?. It was brought to my notice by my sponsor that the check has been sent to you but there was a mistake with the amount on the check,the amount on check is $5800 so when you receive it go ahead and deposit it and after your account is credited you will take the $1100 the total cost i will give you instruction on how to send the difference.
In spite of this,The difference will be deposited into the party organizer for my wife birthday which is a surprise and i will really appreciate if you can do this for me,as i told you am away helping the victim of Earthquake in Nepal and fire in Australia.
I don’t want us to waste time so proceed when your account is credited. Am sorry for the inconvenience this might have cause you.
Awaits your mail soonest.
Hello, Stephen. Well, I am fine, but it’s another story with my daughter Mhavrych. I guess we didn’t get her to the doctor fast enough after she was bitten by that rabid squirrel while wearing her acorn costume. This morning she’s been displaying violent movements, uncontrolled excitement, fear of water, and confusion. I tried to get her to drink something and she grabbed the water bottle from me and shoved it right into my nose hole!
Well, with all the distractions I am a little confused by your email. Are you saying you need me to subtract the difference of $4,700 from your check and send it to you? If so, that is totally fine. Nothing weird about that at all. Happy to help keep the surprise for wife birthday!
Yes and have you take her to doctor
Yes, I took Mhavrych to the doctor yesterday, but she is going to take herself back today so I can wait for your delivery. She can drive – she’s 34.
What do you mean she is 34 and still acorn in elementary school pageant
She was held back.
What? And can i see her picture
I don’t feel comfortable sending you a picture of my daughter.
Ok but at 34 why she in elementary school
OK, I didn’t want to go into it because it’s a secret, but if you promise not to tell anyone I’ll explain.
I promise i wont tell anyone will keep the secret.
All right, Mhavrych is actually my wife and she looks really young. She’s a conceptual performance artist and she was doing the elementary school pageant as an art piece, but no one knew she is really 34. I don’t want the school board to find out because she might get arrested.
Mhavrych and I appreciate your discretion, Stephen. She has already had her license revoked, so she shouldn’t even be driving, but I don’t want to miss your delivery. No sign of it yet!
Dont worry you will get it by tomorrow or wednesday.
OK, I will look out for it today, but Mhavrych seems to be feeling worse, has a crazy look in her eyes, so literally anything could happen…
– – –
I didn’t receive your check yesterday, so hopefully it will arrive today.
Morning. USPS made a mistake with your address which i just correct and since today is weekend you will get it by next week am sorry for the delay,awaits your mail.
Thanks for letting me know, Stephen. To be honest, I’ve been really distracted by all the drama with my wife, Mhavrych. It turns out she was just pretending to have rabies this whole time as part of a performance piece, and the “squirrel” that bit her was actually her friend Tony dressed up in a squirrel costume! They had a camera hidden in a pumpkin and were videotaping the whole thing. I should have known that squirrel was too big to be real!
I’ve decided to file for divorce – I just can’t handle all the theatrics anymore! But don’t worry, I promise to have your painting finished in time for Mary’s birthday. Sorry to burden you with this… I know it’s not your problem.
– – –
Stephen are you still buying the painting? Because I already started working on it. I guess you never sent the check?
OK, good. I wouldn’t want the work I’ve already done to go to waste. It took me hours to get that cheeseburger to look right.
Can you do me a favor? Please let me know when the check has been delivered because I am staying at my friend Joachim-Friedrich’s house while my divorce is being settled. I don’t want Mhavrych and her boyfriend Tony to get their hands on it, so please let me know as soon as it arrives so I can get to it before they do. Thanks!UPS came to deliver the check to you this morning but you are not available, awaits your email.Hi Stephen. Yes, I am still staying with my friend Joachim-Friedrich. Things have gotten very messy with my divorce so I can’t go home. Mhavrych even changed the locks and painted our entire house in red polka-dots.
So how will you get the check then?
I think I have an idea… It’s so crazy, it just might work!
Go home and pick up the check .
OK, I’ll tell you my plan in a sec. But first can you tell me approximately when they’ll come back to deliver it?
You can call them and go and pick up the check.
UPS to know when they will deliver it.
OK. I’ll call them right now to find out. Great idea, Stephen!
– – –
I just spoke to UPS and they said the check will be redelivered today sometime between 12 and 3pm. So, here’s my plan: I’ll go over to the house disguised as a tree (Mhavrych had this oak tree costume from one of her performances and I stole it when I moved out). I’ll stand by the front porch, dressed as a tree, and when the UPS man shows up, I’ll jiggle one of my branches to get his attention and let him know it’s really me. Once I have the check, I’ll head straight to the bank.
I can’t let Mhavrych or Tony see me because they are both nuts! They even turned our dog, Dorito, against me and the last time I was over there he almost bit off my pinky!
– – –
Stephen, I wanted to let you know what happened yesterday with UPS…
Well, I went to the house and put on the tree costume, just like I told you, and I stood real still by the front porch. I had to wait there for like 2 hours! Just as the UPS man finally showed up with your check, Dorito came outside and started barking at me and blew my cover. Then Mhavrych and Tony came running out of the house, both dressed up as walnuts! I think it was some kind of weird sex thing.
With all this chaos, the UPS man got freaked out and drove off without delivering your check. I’m sorry my plan didn’t work out the way I had hoped, Stephen.