Jennifer Anderssen

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I’m Jennifer Anderssen from Miami, Florida. I was looking for some artwork online and i found your contact while searching. I will like to purchase some of your work for my husband as a surprise gift for our 20th anniversary. Kindly send some pictures and prices of some of your other art which are ready for immediate purchase,I could be flexible with price. So I hope to hear a lot more about any available piece in your inventory ready for immediate sale. Thanks

Hi Jennifer,
Thank you for your message and interest in my work. I would be happy to help you find the perfect piece for your husband! Here is a list of what I have available right now. The images are all on my web site:

“Toenail Epiphany”
2016 oil on linen
36 x 46 in.
$1,100

“Dial ‘H’ for Hernia”
2016
oil on linen
36 x 46 in.
$1,000

“Warlock Wig Shop”
2016
oil on linen
36 x 46 in.
$1,200

Let me know if you are interested in one of these and we can move forward. I know where Miami is.

Best,
Jim

Thanks for getting back to me. I must tell you I intend to give my Husband a surprise with the immediate purchase of the piece. Also If you’d like to know that I’m relocating to the Dublin, Ireland soon and our wedding anniversary is fast approaching by March. So I’m trying to gather some good stuff to make this event a surprise one. I’m interested in the “Toenail Epiphany” piece, I’m pretty sure he will love it and Kindly get back to me with the firm price so I can overnight the check to you.

As regarding shipping, you don’t have to worry about that in order not to leave any clue to my Husband for the surprise. As soon as you receive and cash the check my shipping agent (who is also moving my personal effect) will contact you to arrange pick-up.

I would have come to purchase the piece myself but, at the moment, am on training voyage to the North Atlantic Ocean (I’m a ocean engineer) with new hires who are fresh from graduate school and won’t be back for another couple of weeks. I’ll look forward to hearing from you. Thanks

PS: In the meantime, kindly get back to me with your full name (you want the check payable to) cell phone no. and contact address (preferably for UPS not P.O box) where a check can be mailed to, so I can get the check prepared and have it mailed out to you right away.

Hi Jennifer,
Wow that sounds like an exciting job! I think I saw a movie about an ocean engineer once and Marky Mark was in it. Do you know him?

I’m so happy you have chosen “Toenail Epiphany” 2016, oil on linen as a gift for your husband! I think he will really like it, and it’s actually based on a true story. I can tell you about it sometime if you’re interested.

I just have a quick a question for you – do you need my home address or my studio address for the check to be delivered. Please let me know. Thx.

Your home address will be much more suitable

Hi Jennifer,
I apologize for the delay in getting back to you. I went out for sushi last night with my friends Chandler and Phoebe and oh my god, guess what we all went home with. That’s right – food poisoning! I feel bad for our cab driver, but I have a feeling we weren’t the only ones with tummy trouble last night, if you know what I mean.

In any case, here is my home address, just as you requested:
Jim Gaylord
Fake Address
Brooklyn, NY 11238

Have a great day!

I’m so sorry about that.

Thanks, Jennifer! I’m feeling much better now, but that’s the last time I’ll ever buy sushi off Craigslist. I guess I’ve learned my lesson!

Do you have all the info you need from me to send the payment?

Do you use paypal?

I thought you said you were going to send a check? I used to use PayPal, but I prefer not to now for political reasons.

Alright, i’ll stick to the check but you should expect it in 2weeks time as am currently in Germany. Thanks

Hi Jennifer. I’m confused. I thought you said you were on a training voyage in the north Atlantic Ocean? Please advise.

Yes i am. that’s how tasking my job is, i have to hire new recruits from germany

I see. That sounds like a pain in the arsch! I hope while you are there you can at least enjoy some Kartoffelgerichte.

I was actually hoping to make this sale happen a little sooner, Jennifer. I’m planning an extravagant surprise birthday dinner for my good friend Ross. I guess in this case I could use PayPal – but just this once!

Alright please get back to me with your Paypal Email. Thanks.

Hi Jennifer,
I just had a great idea. My studio assistant, Chauncey, has offered to let me use his PayPal account and that way I am not technically using PayPal, myself, so therefore I’m still standing by my ethical opposition to PayPal and its political interests. His email address is: Balbo_Shrooms1984@hotmail.com

OK? Please let us know when you have sent the payment. I’m waiting for an Uber to pick me up and take me to Bed, Bath & Beyond, but Chauncey will be here answering my emails.

Alright thanks

You’re welcome, Jennifer. Is there anything else you need?

Hello Jim
Am so sorry for getting back to you lately, i had a little issue with the mover, they said they can only schedule the pick up date and time after they receive their money for the pickup, shipping and delivery fee via MONEY GRAM money transfer in there head office in TX, and there is no way i can do that from here, due to my current location and work and to avoid any delay, i included $450 and $50 to the payment i sent to your paypal account,PayPal most have instructed you on how to get the money sent to my mover.They most have notify you through your personal email by now, please check both inbox and junk mail to read and understand the instruction.

Payment has been made and the money has been deducted from my account but a temporary hold has been placed on it by paypal prior verification.You are to follow PayPal verification procedure by sending the shipping fee to the mover name and address below upfront and send the transfer details to PayPal email customer care for your total funds to be credited. Let me know as soon as you complete the verification procedure with PayPal and when the total fund has been released to your account so we can fix date and time for pick up.Below is the mover info…

Mover’s Name: Peter Gomez
Address:9911 Whitehurst blvd Dallas, TX, 75243,USA

I hope to read from you soon.
Regards

Hi Jennifer,
I must also apologize for not getting back to you earlier today. I just got home from seeing a rock opera about Grover Cleveland on Broadway. It was awful.

Anyway, my assistant Chauncey went ahead and wrote me a check for the money you sent to his PayPal account. I think everything should be all set with that and I just need to deposit his check. He is away for the weekend at some kind of retreat in Costa Rica, so I won’t be able to reach him regarding the instructions from PayPal. Can we go ahead and move forward without them?
He also said he was going to be doing something called Ayahuasca. I think it’s some kind of South American dance like the Rumba, so he’s probably going to be too tired from all those dance lessons to write me back.

Please advise.
Jim

Jim,
Thank you for your response, well right now, you have to get the money for the shipper’s to them via Money gram or Western Union, and the Email me the scan copy receipt or email to paypal for verification, but i can forward it to them for a fast process, please get the $450 to the mover information and get back to me ASAP, then we can setup the best time for the pickup,hope to read back from you soon.

Thank you
Jennifer
– – –
Jim,
Thank you for your response, well right now, you have to get the money for the shipper’s to them via Money gram or Western Union, and then Email the scan copy receipt to either me or paypal for verification, but preferably me so i can forward it to them for a fast process. Thanks

Good morning, Jennifer. I received both of your emails which basically say the exact same thing. I guess you’re several hours ahead of me over there in Germany – I hope you took time to have your Frühstück today!

Well, I have read your instructions, but I have a little situation here. It seems my poodle, Brad, got into my toiletries last night and ate a whole tube of my hair gel, and then he threw up all over my electric guitar. What a mess! I have been spending the whole morning wiping up Brad’s vomit and I really don’t know what I’m going to do because I was supposed to have a guitar solo tomorrow at church!

I think I’m going to have to take my guitar down to the guitar repair store today, so that’s going to eat up a lot of my time. But please stand by and stay near your computer all day in case I am able to make it over to Western Union. I will do my best! Thanks for your patience!

Jim,
Please try and get it done as soon as you can, WU will not take much of your time. Let me know when you complete the WU. Thank you.

Hello Jennifer. I’ve been running around all day, first to the guitar repair store and then I got home and Brad was still throwing up Dippity-Do, so I had to take him to the vet. We just got home and I finally have a moment to look up Western Union locations in my area. I think there is one over near J Crew, so I am going to head over there now. Please stand by and I will get back to you ASAP!

Please do. Let know when completed. Thank you.
– – –
Jim. What is the current situation?

Hi Jennifer. Thanks for checking in. Brad finally seems to be feeling better. The vet said that after the first 24 hours I can begin to gradually reintroduce bland foods like pasta, boiled rice or even chicken, turkey and white fish. After having put Brad onto a bland diet, his bowel movements should gradually be restored, and after two normal stools I can begin to reintroduce his usual diet. First I will begin by adding to the bland foods some of the Brad’s normal food. Within two to three days Brad’s condition should have improved drastically and he should be able to resume his usual diet. If Brad’s vomiting and diarrhea do not abate with this treatment, I’ll need to consult with a veterinarian again. Prolonged dog diarrhea and vomiting can pose a serious risk and may even be fatal. I really appreciate your concern during this serious pet care situation!

My pleasure Jim, make sure you complete the transaction by heading to western union once again.

Do you know if I can send the money at Starbucks or Chipotle? It just really isn’t convenient for me to go all the way to Western Union and I don’t want to leave Brad alone in my house for too long, or else I’ll end up coming home to another vomit-party.

Or, do you know if it’s possible to wire money at Western Union on Sundays?

Hello Jim. Yes they do.

OK, great. I should be able to do it very shortly. Please stand by – I’ll get back to you soon.

Okay, i will be waiting to read back from you

About what?

At this point, i am cancelling the payment. Thanks.

Hi Jennifer. Why would you do that? Please advise. I would really appreciate a little more patience from you today, Jennifer!

I am running out of patience It’s either you make the payment today or i cancel it

I told you I would make the payment today after church. I already explained to you what happened to my electric guitar, and Pastor Dobbins is really counting on me to jam out those hot licks at today’s service. And it’s not my fault my poodle Brad turned into a walking hair-gel-puke-fountain yesterday!

Alright.Get back to me when you’re through with the payment ASAP

OK, thank you for your cooperation, Jennifer.
– – –
Hello Jennifer. I know it’s late for you over there in Germany, but I wanted to let you know I just wired the money to your mover, Peter Gomez in Dallas, so we should be all set.

Send me the scan copy receipt of the Transaction. Thanks.

Good morning. OK I will try to scan the receipt as soon as I get to the studio, but my assistant Chauncey is usually the one who uses the scanner and he just called out sick today. He said he was still throwing up from all the Ayahuasca he was doing. Those must have been some strenuous dance lessons! Will get back to you shortly.

Thanks for the update. Please it would be highly appreciated if you kindly forward the scan copy receipt of the Transaction, without much delay, as the funds will be needed to register and do all necessary paperwork for these goods prior to pick up. Otherwise there would be a late delivery which might affect the plans for my anniversary. As soon as they receive the funds from you, they’ll give you a call to make arrangement and schedule a convenient pick up time with you.

I understand, Jennifer. I wouldn’t want to delay the process any more than necessary. And I am sure you are quite busy hiring new recruits over there in Germany. How is that going, by the way?

We’re done with all interviews,all that remains is the selection process which is a very demanding task. Thanks

I’ll bet! But I’m sure you will reach a decision that is both fair and diplomatic. How long have you been an ocean engineer? Is it something you got into just by chance, or did you have some kind of ocean-related experience that led you into this field of work? Like witnessing an octopus attack?

24 years to be exact most spent in Chevron Inc, am currently with Makai Ocean Engineering

Wow that’s a long time! Do you spend a lot of time at sea? What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen? Have you ever seen anyone get eaten by a walrus?

i spend a lot of time on sea and i haven’t seen such. I have couple of experiences with killer whales and humpback wales.

Still waiting for the scan copy receipt of the Transaction

Yes, of course – sorry! Sometimes my mind wanders and I start daydreaming about things like the sea and walruses and tube worms, because I am an artist and that’s just the way my head works. So sue me haha!

I did my best to get the scanner to work and here’s the copy of the receipt. Let me know if you need anything else!

It is not opening you could take the picture with your phone

Oh gosh. I’m not sure how to send a photo on email through my phone. Let me call my assistant Chauncey and maybe he can walk me through how to do it. Sorry!

Am running out of time.

I am sorry, Jennifer! I know you have to get back to genetically engineering talking star fish. I just spoke to Chauncey and he is absolutely no help! He kept saying something about the universe being an eyeball that he could jump into and come out the other side and then he was made of eyeballs, or something like that. But I don’t know what that has to do with scanning something on the computer, do you? Have you ever used a Hewlett Packard all-in-one scanner?

Can’t you just ask Peter Gomez if he got it? What’s the big deal?

Not at all, i have a secretary who takes care of that. what is the solution as i am running out of time. i need the slip to confirm that you actually paid it

I already told you I paid it. Are you implying that you don’t believe me? This is outrageous! You are the one who contacted me in the first place. I am so outraged right now that there are clouds of steam spraying out of my ear holes!

Alright Jim can i get the MTCN number. That is the only solution right now, get back to me with the MTCN number. sorry if i sounded rude.

I don’t even know what the MNCT number is. Is that like my social security number?

The MTCN-Money Transfer control number is the number on the slip. The 10 digit number on the slip

OK, well actually the transfer receipt no longer exists.

How is that possible?

I mean it exists, but probably not in the way you’re thinking, unless you’re thinking it’s inside my dog Brad’s stomach, because that’s where it is. He is such a bad dog.

So I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it, won’t you?

I have nothing to say to you. Thanks for the trouble.

You’re welcome. It was my pleasure.

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