Davids George

Hello There,
My name is Davids George from Washington DC. I have been on the lookout for some artworks lately in regards to I and my wife’s anniversary which is just around the corner. I stormed on some of your works which i found quite impressive and intriguing. I must admit your doing quite an impressive job. You are undoubtedly good at what you do.
With that being said, I would like to purchase some of your works as a surprise gift to my wife in honor of our upcoming wedding anniversary. It would be of help if you could send some pictures of your piece of works, with their respective prices and sizes, which are ready for immediate (or close to immediate) sales. My budget for this is within the price range of USD500 to USD5000.
I look forward to reading from you in a view to knowing more about your pieces of inventory. As a matter of importance, I would also like to know if you accept check as a means of payment.
Regards, Davids.

– – –

Hello Davids,
I apologize for the delay. I have been recovering from a little incident at Six Flags Great Adventure for the past several days, but everything is almost back to normal now.
 
I am pleased you “stormed” upon my work and found it intriguing! I’ve had a flurry of interest ever since that TV spot on the Weather Channel, and have been simply flooded with emails. You know what they say – “when it rains, it rains a lot.”
Below is a list of what I have available right now, and the images are all on my web site, which I’m sure you have already seen:
 
“Squirrel with a Girl Earring,” 2017
oil on canvas
32 x 40 inches
$2000
“Invisible Toupée,” 2016
oil on canvas
30 x 40 inches
$2500
“Human Pickle,” 2017
oil on canvas
30 x 40 inches
$2500
 
Please let me know which ones you are interested in. I would be happy to accept a check.
 
Best wishes,
Jim
– – –
Thanks for the response. Having carefully looked through the pictures of your works you sent. I had chosen “HUMAN PRICKLE” 2017. I’m presently working on my relocation to Quebec, Canada soon, thus, am doing all i could to make this event quite a memorable one.
In regards to payment, my reason for choosing check as a means of payment is owing to the fact that my wife handles the family bank cards and pay pal transactions. So am choosing check to keep this a complete surprise as intended. Consequently, I would authorize a check to you for the payment of the chosen piece of work as soon as i have your full name and contact address (preferably for FedEx delivery no P.O box). As soon as you receive the check and it clears your bank, I will have my personal shipping agent (who is also moving my other properties) contact you to arrange shipping/pick up of the piece from you. This is to avoid my wife receiving it if been directly shipped to my address which would ruin the surprise for the wedding anniversary.
I will be looking forward to receiving your phone number, full name and physical address the check should be issued to, in your email.
regards,
Davids

– – –

Dear Davids,
That is very exciting to hear about your move from Washington, D.C. to Canada! Gotta drain the swamp, amirite?
 
I know you and your wife will love the painting you have chosen, but please note that it is called “Human Pickle” not “Prickle.” The title is very important to me because it’s based on the name of a game my brothers and I used to play when we were little… that is until Mrs. Heaphy caught us and took away our pickle jar.
 
I am fine with accepting a check, and will do everything I can to help keep the secret from your wife. Do you think she reads your emails? I think it might be a good idea to come up with a code word for the painting so she doesn’t find out the surprise. How does that sound to you?
 
Best,
Jim

– – –

Good morning, Davids. I’ve thought of a good code phrase for us to use for the painting so your wife doesn’t discover the surprise if she accidentally opens your email. Let’s simply say “meat delivery” instead of “painting.” That way, if your wife sees one of our emails, she’ll just think you’re having some meat delivered – no big deal. Unless you’re vegetarians. Are you vegetarians, Davids?
– – –
Thanks for the suggestion, I really appreciate it. Can we continue, by you sending me your details which I will send the check to?
– – –

Hi Davids. Yes, I am happy to provide you with the information needed to send payment for the meat delivery we discussed. Below is my full mailing address and phone number:
XXXXXX
XXXXXX
XXXXXX
 
Please keep me posted on when you mail the check and then we can finalize the details of how and where you would like your meat delivered.
 
Best regards,
Jim
– – –
Thank you so much for your response, I will get back to you immediately the check is ready. Once again, thank you.
Davids
– – –
Good morning Jim, I am currently offshore and won’t be back couple of weeks, so in other to have this transaction expedite, I will be contacting a client of mine to have the check issued for your payment. The check will include the shipping agent fees and some extra fund to handle both the shipment of my artwork with you as well as the shipment of my other properties he is currently handling for me. This is to avoid delay and any inconveniences that may arise from his part. The overage as well as the shipping agent fee on the check should be remitted to my shipping agent which would be in contact to you as soon as check clears your bank. Then you both can arrange for a pick up time of the purchased piece of work at your convenience.
(I would have handled this much differently had it been I was at home but am a bit pressed for time as our anniversary is fast approaching; and I do not have access to a lot of cash over here to expedite this transaction.)
Thanks for your understanding.
Regards,
Davids
– – –
Good day to you, Davids. Don’t you mean the shipping costs for your “Meat Delivery,” per our previous conversation? I don’t know anything about any artwork for sale, and I certainly have no idea about anyone having a wedding anniversary coming up!
My records show that you are ordering: 8 Beef and Pork boxes, 8 Chicken and Veal boxes, and 3 “Mystery Meat” boxes which comes with 3 pounds of Bonus Bacon!
 
I will make a note that you are including the fees for your shipping agent for both meat and non-meat items you are having delivered.
 
Good luck with whatever you are doing offshore! Ahoy!
 
Best,
Jim
– – –
Dear Jim,
Please let me know when the check is delivered.
Thanks,
Davids
– – –

Dear Davids,
I have an update for you, also. We are out of the 7-Bone Chuck Roast and Country Style Ribs. We will happily substitute a Steak Cheek and 2 Sheep Hips in their place. We apologize for any inconvenience. Please let me know if you are ok with this substitution before we deliver your meat.
 
Best,
Jim

– – –

Please, I don’t understand.
– – –

Davids, I’m just trying to keep the secret from your wife about her anniversary gift! Remember the code we agreed on?

– – –

P.S. You should delete that last email so she doesn’t find out the surprise!
– – –
Okay, thanks.
– – –

So, is that a “yes” on those steak cheeks, Davids?
– – –
Yes, if you can tell me the price for the Steak Cheek and 2 Sheep Hips.
– – –
They are included in your 8 “Beef & Pork Boxes” for $129 each, although you may find some in your “Mystery Meat” boxes, but I cannot tell you for sure as it would defeat the purpose of the aforementioned meat mystery.
– – –
Dear Davids,
I just wanted to give you an update that I still have not received your check. I will get the flashlight and look again, and maybe I’ll look in the neighbor’s mailbox, but I am almost positive it is still not there. Just wanted to give you an update! I hope you had a wonderful National Hat Appreciation Day!
– – –
How are you Jim? The check will get to you later today or tomorrow.
Thanks,
Davids.
– – –
Hello Davids,
I am doing very well, thanks! I’m actually leaving today for a Silent Country Line Dancing Retreat in Arkansas. It’s like a Silent Meditation Retreat, but instead of meditating, we’ll be doing the “Tush Push.”
 
Since I will be away for the next week, my assistant Pepper will handle your transaction. I have already briefed her on the various Meat Boxes 😉 you are ordering, and I am copying her in this email. You will hear from her shortly.
 
Namaste, y’all!
– – –

Hello Davids,
This is Pepper, Jim’s studio assistant. I will be handling your transaction while Jim is away.
 
I have just read through your email history and I do not see an address where we are shipping to. Can you please let me know where you want your meat delivered? Thanks.
Pepper
– – –
My shipping agent will come for the pick-up. Thanks.
– – –
All right, Davids. What is the name of your shipping company? Should I contact them to arrange it?
 
Thanks,
Pepper
– – –
The pick-up had been arranged already, you can only send your number which I will send to my shipping agent to contact you once the check arrive.
Thanks,
Davids
– – –
OK, good to know you have already arranged it. What day will they be coming so I can be sure everything is packed and ready to go? Thanks.
– – –
Hi,i just wanted to inform you that the check as been issued to the full name and address provided,here is the tracking number via usps.com (9405501699320145868674).You can have it tracked yourself to know when exactly the check will be delivered to you..Thanks and have a good day…
Regards,
Davids
– – –
Hello Davids. Yes, I see that it will be delivered tomorrow (Saturday) before 8pm. Did you see my question in my previous email? I need to know which day the pickup is scheduled for. I will prepare everything and make sure I have enough dry ice so that your meat products don’t rot. Thanks.
– – –
Great, My shipping agent will keep in touch with you as soon as the check clears your bank,you both will have to arrange for an appropriate time for the pick up of the piece at your end..thanks..
– – –
What is the name of the shipping company you are using? This is the second time I have asked you for this information. Thanks.
– – –
Good morning and how was your night ?kindly let me know when you receive the check today and here is the shipping agent information you requested for.(Bluesky-courier.com). I await your update later in the day. Thanks and have a good day ahead. Regards.
– – –
Good morning, Davids. My night was OK, I guess. Except I had this weird dream that we didn’t have enough meat to fulfill your order, so I had to kill Jim and use his murdered corpse to make up for the missing meat. I guess I just have an exceptional commitment to customer satisfaction!
 
Thank you for the link to the courier’s web site, which is literally just a picture of an airplane and two sentences. I am sure they provide excellent service.
 
I have not received the check yet, but I will let you know when I do!
 
Best,
Pepper
– – –
Hello, the check indeed delivered in your mail.
– – –

Yes, Davids. We have received your check for the amount of $2,500 issued by the city of Keene, Texas from a General Pooled Account. Are you the mayor of Keene, Texas?? Does this mean that you will be sharing your MEAT with the entire town? I just deposited the check into Jim’s account. When would you like to schedule the pick-up?
– – –
Hi, the shipping agent will contact you as soon as the check clears in jim’s Account ..just let me know when you have the cash. Thanks.
And the check is of $4250.
– – –
I beg to differ, Davids. The check we received was issued for exactly $2,500 USD. I’ve attached a screenshot of the check in question to demonstrate my point. Please advise.
Pepper
IMG_3626
– – –
Yes I just confirm that from my client ..let me know when you have the cash so we could arrange for pick up.
– – –

I believe the check has probably already cleared. In any case, we need to go ahead and arrange for pickup of your meat delivery order because it’s beginning to smell. Let me know what the next steps are. Will the shipping company contact me directly?
– – –
Ok good.. but as it is, I will need about $1000 for my shipping agent…they are also helping me to move my personal effects to my new abode…the check should have been $4250 not $2500.
– – –
Well, as you can see from the photo I sent, the check was only written for $2,500. How do you want to proceed? Do you want to send another check to pay for the shipping?
– – –
As it is now, I will need you to forward $1000 from the $2500, I will balance up $1000 later in the week, I just need to pay the shipper because they are also helping me to move my other properties and if I don’t pay them I won’t get my stuffs.
– – –
Oh, I see. Are you moving? Where are you moving to?
– – –
Quebec canada.. I need your quick response ,how would you be able to forward the fund to the shipping agent ?
– – –
Wow, are you moving there for work? Or are you just looking for a change? I hope you don’t mind my asking. It’s just that I could really use a big change right now, myself. I’m so sick of working for Jim. To be honest, Davids, he’s kind of an idiot.
What I can do for you, Davids, is wire the money directly to you. How does that grab you?
– – –
Ok.. but you can go to the nearest Walmart and have the money sent.. please I really need to pay them ASAP so they’ve can move my properties.
– – –
I just had a great idea, Davids. I checked Jim’s bank account and his balance is $7,802.16. I think we should split the money 50/50. Trust me, he will never find out. What do you think?
– – –
Please all I need right now is the $1000.my shipper is really waiting.
– – –
URGENT…
Kindly forward the overage to the shipping agent information as follows via Walmart.. Name: Teresa L Tarmon
City: Piedmont
State: Missouri
Zip code: 63957
– – –
Davids, I am sorry, but I cannot just drop everything at the studio and go to Walmart right this minute! I’m here all by myself while Jim is doing the Electric Slide somewhere in Arkansas or something. Why is this so urgent?
– – –
When do you think you can have the money sent ? Am sorry for rushing you ,my shipping agent as been waiting for the payment amd I don’t want to keep them waiting for long.
– – –
I’ll tell you what – I don’t want to have to go to Walmart twice to wire money because it’s a 20 minute drive. If you agree to split the money from Jim’s account with me, I’ll go there right now and wire the $1000 to your shipper and then I’ll wire the $3,901.08 to you. That’s your half of the deal. Again, Jim will never know the difference.
– – –
Ok no problem. Deal.
Just forward the $1000 to the shipping agent information sent to you and I will provide you an account number to wire the remaining fund …is that understood?
– – –
Excellent. And I have a surprise for you – an additional 150 pounds of “mystery meat” added to your meat delivery order. By the way, have you heard from Jim lately??? I bet you haven’t!!!
– – –
Just let me know when you will be able to forward the fund… and I haven’t.
– – –
Are you receiving my mails ?
– – –

Yes, Davids. I’m receiving your emails, but I’m driving to Walmart right now so I can’t write back right away. I’m at a stop light now.
– – –
Ok …do provide me the receipt and the reference number when the fund as been sent.
– – –
Yeah, yeah. By the way, is your first name Davids? Or is it George? I’ve been meaning to ask you that for days…
– – –
Davids …and you seems to be a nice guy, well, I await your quick update. take care.
– – –
I’m a woman.
– – –
Wow.. are you married ?.. how come you are driving and texting? are you at the store already?
– – –
No, I am not married, Davids. Why do you ask? And I’m only driving 45 miles an hour so what’s the big deal?
– – –
Okay ..no problem.. just take care.
– – –
Crap! I just got pulled over for texting and driving. Dammit!
– – –
Turns out he was just pulling me over because my muffler was dragging on the asphalt. I’ve got some extra weight in my trunk, so to speak. I convinced him to let it slide 🙂
– – –
Hello, am still waiting to hear from you
– – –
Didn’t you get my emails about getting pulled over?
– – –
I just got them.. are you at the Walmart now?
– – –
Nope.
– – –
But why ? This is taking much longer than I expected to
– – –
Well, Davids, after your story about leaving the country and starting over in Canada, I started thinking about making my own clean break. I drove right past that Walmart and straight to the international airport! I am currently seated on my direct flight to a certain tropical island I’ve been dreaming about. And with the money from your check and Jim’s bank account, I’ll have quite the little vacation! Ciao!
p.s. if you still want your mystery meat, it’s in the trunk of my car, lolz!
– – –
OK
– – –
You mean you’re not angry with me for running off with your money?
– – –
Nope. have fun with it. bye
– – –
Wow, thanks a million, Davids! By the way, are you married???
– – –
But I bet you will regret it… don’t contact me again. and be ready for me at your address provided…
– – –
The only thing I’ll be ready for is a drink that’s served in a coconut somewhere on a beach. And I’m not providing you the address of the beach!
Pepper
– – –
From: Jim “Johnson”
Davids! Oh my goodness, have you spoken to Pepper? I woke up in the trunk of her car at the airport and just checked my bank account and all my money is gone! I have to find out where she is ASAP!
Jim

 

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