Victor Dean

From: victor dean <victordean820@gmail.com>

Am Victor from Oklahoma. I have been on the lookout for some artworks lately in regards to Me and my wife’s anniversary which is just around the corner. I stormed on some of your works which i found quite impressive and intriguing. I must admit your doing quite a wonderful job. You are undoubtedly good at what you do.

With that being said, I would like to purchase one of your works as a surprise gift to my wife in honor of our upcoming wedding anniversary. It would be of help if you could send some pictures of your piece of works, with their respective prices and sizes, which are ready for immediate (or close to immediate) sales. My budget for this is within the price range of $500 to $5000.

I look forward to reading from you in a view to knowing more about your pieces of inventory. As a matter of importance, I would also like to know if you accept check as a means of payment. I wish you a Happy new year.

– – –

Dear Victor,

First of all, congrats on your encroaching wedding anniversary! My fingers are raining down onto my keyboard to type this celebratory salutation. And speaking of rat infestations, I must apologize for the delay in getting back to you because my home has indeed been overrun with pesky rodents. But don’t worry – I have set out a number of homemade traps throughout the house and I’m sure the issue will be resolved in short order.

Now, on to business! I know you said that your wedding anniversary was just around the corner, after all. Below is a list of available works for purchase, with their respective prices. The images are all on my web site, which I’m sure you’ve already seen:

“Beef Slacks”
2019
oil on canvas
30 x 34 inches
$2,600

“Surprise, It’s Brains”
2019
oil on canvas
32 x 38 inches
$3,000

“Automatic Colostomy”
2019
oil on canvas
30 x 34 inches
$2,600

Please let me know which one you are interested in and I can prepare
it for shipping. And, yes, I’d be happy to accept a check!

Warmly,
Jim

– – –

Dear Jim,

Thanks for the response. Having carefully looked through the pictures of your works. I have chosen the piece (“Beef Slacks” 2019 oil on canvas 30 x 34 inches
$2,600). Am presently working on my relocation to Philippines soon, thus, am doing all i could to make this event quite a memorable one.

In regards to payment, my reason for choosing check as a means of payment is owing to the fact that my wife handles the family bank cards and paypal transactions. So am choosing check to keep this a complete surprise as intended. Consequently, I would authorize a check to you for the payment of the chosen piece of work as soon as i have your full name and contact address (preferably for FedEx delivery no P.O box). As soon as you receive the check and it clears your bank, I will have my personal shipping agent (who is also moving my other properties) contact you to arrange shipping/pick up of the piece from you. This is to avoid my wife receiving it if been directly shipped to my address which would ruin the surprise for the wedding anniversary.

I will be looking forward to receiving your phone number, full name and physical address the check should be issued to, in your email.

regards,
Victor.

– – –

Hello Jim, Are you still available or not ?

– – –

Hello Mr Jim, whats happening everywhere seem quite from your side, hope everything is alright have not been hearing from you..

– – –

Hello Victor,

I am so sorry for the delay. I dropped an anvil on my toe while setting up one of those rat traps! I have been laid up for the past week taking Advil and watching Lifetime movies all day. Fortunately, things seem to be back to normal with my toe. The rats have eaten most of my provisions by now, however, so that’s not good.

I’m pleased you have chosen “Beef Slacks” 2019 oil on canvas 30 x 34 inches to give to your wife for your anniversary. It’s actually based on a true story. I can tell you about it if you’re interested.

Just one question – do you need my home address or my studio address?

Best,
Jim

– – –

Yes home address is fine with your full name and phone number. Thanks and thank God no more rats lol

– – –

Hi Victor,

The rats are still here! I haven’t been able to set anymore anvil traps after my injury and now they’ve simply run amok. Amok, I tell you! They turned my home into a party house for rats – it’s like an actual ZOO over here.

I think I’m going to have to stay with my friend Willard for a few days until the exterminators come. Would you mind sending the check to his house, instead?

– – –

Sure, no problem.

– – –

In regards to payment, my reason for choosing check as a means of payment is owing to the fact that my wife handles the family bank cards and pay pal transactions. So am choosing check to keep this a complete surprise as intended. Consequently, I would authorize a check to you for the payment of the chosen piece of work as soon as i have your full name and contact address (preferably for FedEx delivery no P.O box). As soon as you receive the check and it clears your bank, I will have my personal shipping agent (who is also moving my other properties) contact you to arrange shipping/pick up of the piece from you. This is to avoid my wife receiving it if been directly shipped to my address which would ruin the surprise for the wedding anniversary.

I will be looking forward to receiving your phone number, full name and physical address the check should be issued to, in your email.

regards,
Jim. (He actually signed my name to this message)

– – –

Thanks for your understanding, Victor. My friend Willard’s address is 122 Washington Avenue.

But would you like to hear the story behind “Beef Slacks” 2019 oil on canvas 30 x 34 inches before sending your payment? I want to make sure you will be happy with your purchase and don’t have any regrets when you learn more about the piece.

– – –

Of course no problem Jim, you can brief me with the history of the paint. And also Jim is that a full address? Kindly confirm well about the address in order for the check not to be delayed or have any issues been delivered. Also make your cell phone number available please.

So the details needed from you will be your full name that will be on the check, your cell phone number and your friend’s home address.

– – –

I’m glad you asked, Victor. I would be more than happy to tell you the story behind the painting. It all happened such a long time ago, when my family still lived on the prairie. Pa moved us there to get away from what he called “the wicked ways of menfolk” so we went off the grid. It was me, my two sisters (Myrna and Eugenides), Ma and Pa. We lived in a cupcake-shaped house made of sod with a thatch roof and a little barn just behind it. Inside the barn were our livestock: two chickens named Mike and Carol, a sheep we called Mr. Belvedere, two cows named Miguel and Madame Goo-Goo and a hog that didn’t have a name for reasons that we found out later. Our days started at 5:00am when Ma would wake us up by coming into our rooms and ringing a cowbell. Then we’d do our chores, which mostly entailed cleaning up the hog pen, miking the cows and the like, before getting our lessons from Ma (we were home-schooled). As you can imagine, things got pretty boring out there with no other kids to play with, but that all changed one day when we made a miraculous discovery.

That’s Part 1 of the story, Victor. I’ll have to finish it later because all this writing has made me sleepy and I need a nap. Hope you’re having a great day!

– – –

Yes Jim am sure having a great day.  You have not sent your details and your friend’s home address still expecting that.

– – –

It was actually Euginedes who made the discovery. She was milking Madame Goo-Goo one Sunday morning before “church” when suddenly, instead of her usual moo, she let out a beautiful tremolo. Then she did it again, but it was several consecutive notes this time, and she seemed to actually be singing. The rest of us heard it from the hog trough we were scrubbing and came running in. Myrna proclaimed, “That cow sounds just like Dorothy Wiggins, the famous Broadway star!” It was just at that exact moment that we all knew what we had to do: harness our livestock’s musical talent for monetary gain. Ma got to work right away sewing fanciful costumes for Madame Goo-Goo and Miguel, while my sisters and I borrowed Pa’s tools to build a theatrical set. In just a few days we were just about ready to stage our vaudeville style review of “Gertrude and the Scoundrel” by Timothy Tidewater. Miguel, our beef cow, played the part of the Scoundrel and Ma, realizing at the last minute that it would be imprudent to allow his cow junk to hang out on full display, fashioned him a pair of slacks. She called them Miguel’s “Beef Slacks” and, although my sisters pointed out the irony of her making them out of leather, they seemed to do the job! My friend Willard’s full address is: Willard McGilicuddy, XXX Washington Ave, XXXXX, XX XXXXX.

– – –

I received your email but you did not include your number and the name that will be on the check. Thanks for the details provided. I am currently offshore and won’t be back couple of weeks, so in other to have this transaction expedited, I will be contacting a client of mine to have the check issued for your payment. The check will include the shipping agent fees and some extra fund to handle both the shipment of my artwork with you as well as the shipment of my other properties he is currently handling for me. This is to avoid delay and any inconveniences that may arise from his part.The excess cash on the check should be remitted to my shipping agent who would be in contact with you  as soon as check clears your bank. Then you both could  arrange for a pick up time of the purchased piece.

Thanks for your understanding.

Regards
Victor.

– – –

Just to make sure I understand, you want to send me a check that will include the price of the painting, “Beef Slacks” 2019, oil on canvas, 30 x 34 inches ($2,600 USD), plus the cost of shipping the piece, plus the cost to ship some other totally unrelated things? Why don’t you simply send one check to me for the painting and another to your shipper? Or you could just tell me your FedEx account number, or reimburse me directly for the shipping through either FedEx or UPS or DHL or USPS and I will handle the shipping on my end? Our transaction doesn’t have anything to do with shipping your personal property to the Philippines. Please advise.

Warmly,
Jim

– – –

Hello Jim

According to my previous mail, if you read well and understand clearly you will see  that I told you am currently offshore and I don’t have access to cash or any banking means at all that’s why I had to issue a check to you and my shipper moving my other properties to my new house because his just a common apprentice he doesn’t even have a bank account for me to be able to issue a check to him, so I had to think of other option to include their funds in the check for you so after taking the funds for the painting you can help me send the extra funds
to my shipper via USPS or FedEx in order for him to be able to help me move my properties. It’s just a favour I seek from you if you cannot do it them I guess it’s bye bye but trust me I will really like painting and I will also like this transaction to be carried out without no delay.

– – –

Hi Victor,

No need for bye bye just yet. I’ve consulted with my studio assistant, Pepper, and she pointed out that your client probably isn’t able to send out multiple checks because they’re running low and need to reorder more. (She’s much more than a common apprentice!) And she reminded me of the time that I ran out of checks and tried to pay the studio rent with a “Daily Foot Rub for a Month” coupon to my landlord. I actually meant it as a joke, but he took it seriously. My hands got so tired (and smelly)! So you can count of me to handle this little favor for you this time. You can make the check out to “Jim Johnson Studio” at the address I provided you.

By the way, I’m just curious what you’re doing offshore? Are you on a luxury cruise? Or are you whale watching? I love the sea, but never got to see it while my family lived on the prairie.

– – –

Thank you very much Jim, I really appreciate you so much for this favour. God bless. I will let you know as soon as the check as been issued to you as well as the tracking number. And remember Jim that you gave me your friend Willard’s address so that’s where the check will be delivered to. But name on the check will be Jim Johnson.

Oh Jim am going to need your cell Phone number as well just in case.

– – –

You’re welcome, Victor. But you didn’t answer my question. Are you offshore on a water-skiing safari? Or a rowboat marathon? Or a jellyfish tracking expedition? I’m sorry to sound so nosy! I’m just a naturally curious person.

– – –

None of the above Jim, am offshore looking after the drill and other tools used to explore and extract gas and oil from a well. And kindly drop your cell phone number. Thanks

– – –

Oh, I see. Well that sounds much more pertinent than what I suggested.

My number is (469) XXX-XXXX. Be sure to write “Jim Johnson care of Willard McGillicuddy” on your package so that he knows it’s for me. Will be expecting it ASAP.

And keep a close eye on that drill!

– – –

Will do, thanks!

– – –

Hi Victor,

Just letting you know we still have not received the check you sent. Please advise.

– – –

You should receive it tomorrow.

– – –

Oh, you mean Thursday? Hmm, I don’t think that’s going to work. I may need you to call FedEx and have the check rerouted to a different address. Would you mind doing that? Thanks.

– – –

Am not sure that’s possible. What happen to your friends address.

– – –

Willard is going out of town unexpectedly tomorrow to take care of his brother, who just had emergency triple-hernia surgery. Really not sure when he’ll be back. I’m also rather nonplussed because he says he’s not comfortable letting me stay at his place when he’s not home, and the exterminator still hasn’t come by my place to take care of the rat situation. They came once, but it didn’t work so they’re having to come back with stronger poison.

– – –

Kindly give me your new address Jim.

– – –

You can just send it to my home address, thanks a lot. 

– – –

Write me your home address please!!

– – –

Whoops! Sorry, here you go:
XXX Washington Ave. 
XXXXXX, XX XXXXX

Thanks a bunch, Victor!

– – –

That was the same address you gave me before I hope you are not mixing anything up.

– – –

Dang it! You’re totally right, Victor. I’m so sorry I got mixed up. It’s just been so stressful with moving my family back and forth this week and coming back to a rat-infested house. But selling this painting is really the silver lining to the whole ordeal, especially since my daughter needs braces for her buck teeth and we honestly weren’t going to be able to afford them otherwise. So I especially wanted to thank you for that, Victor! You will help change a little girl’s life.

It’s probably too late to redirect the check to my home address, but maybe Willard hasn’t left for his flight yet. Can you please send me the tracking number? That way, I can coordinate with him and hopefully intercept the package before he leaves. Thanks!

– – –

You should get the tracking number before tonight.

– – –

But Willard’s flight is in 2 hours! His brother lives all the way in Chattahoochee, Georgia and I don’t even know when he’ll be back. What should I do?

– – –

Ask Willard where he use to receive his mail box so he can show you I think you don’t need to enter his house before you get to his mailbox or probably the check might be dropped at his door step.

– – –

I think he has a mail slot in his door, so once the envelope goes through the slot, it’s there inside the house.

I’m sorry, Victor, but there is a lot going on here today and I just got a phone call from the principal at my daughter’s school. Apparently Addison is in trouble for biting one of her classmates, which honestly doesn’t surprise me. Now I have to drive over there and deal with her.

I’m copying my studio assistant, Pepper, on this email so that she can take over from here and deal with your check situation since you sent it to the wrong address. She will be in touch with you shortly. Thanks for your patience.

– – –

Hello Victor,

This is Pepper. I am Jim’s studio assistant and he has updated me on the issue regarding your check. Please call FedEx today and ask them if they can redirect the package to different address. Let me know what they say and then I can give you the new details. Thank you.

Best,
Pepper Mhavrych
Studio Assistant
Jim Johnson Studio

– – –

Ok I will get back to you.

– – –

Thanks. Can you also send me the tracking number please? And where are you located?

– – –

Still waiting on that tracking number, Mr. Dean.

– – –

Okay. Hold on please.

– – –

I get off work in 15 minutes so I won’t be around. Are you in the United States or what?

– – –

Here is the USPS tracking number (  9405536895232310626160 ) for the check. Kindly keep in touch when you get it. Thanks.

– – –

Victor, I thought you said you sent it through FedEx?

– – –

(From Jim Johnson)
Yeah, I thought you said you were sending it through FedEx. I’m so discombobulated.

– – –

Jim, I tried reaching you via text your number is saying invalid. I need your number for quick communication.

– – –

Sorry, Victor. We are in meetings all day and I can’t talk. I have 2 curators from The Museum of Hair Art in Mud Butte, South Dakota arriving in 5 minutes. They’ve come all this way I can’t just blab on the telephone right in front of them.

So are you saying you sent it through the United States Postal Service and not FedEx? Pepper, what are your thoughts?

Jim

– – –

From Pepper:
Jim, I don’t even think we can call the United States Postal Service on the phone. Also known as the Post Office, U.S. Mail, or Postal Service, it is an independent agency of the executive branch of the United States federal government responsible for providing postal service in the United States, including its insular areas and associated states. It is one of the few government agencies explicitly authorized by the United States Constitution. The USPS traces its roots to 1775 during the Second Continental Congress, when Benjamin Franklin was appointed the first postmaster general. The Post Office Department was created in 1792 with the passage of the Postal Service Act. It was elevated to a cabinet-level department in 1872, and was transformed by the Postal Reorganization Act of 1970 into the United States Postal Service as an independent agency.

OK, I will see you in one minute for our meeting with the hair curators.

Pepper

– – –

I believe you have the tracking number with you, confirm it and see if you can redirect the address.

Victor

– – –

Hi Victor, I have some exciting news! The studio visit went very well yesterday and the curators have invited me to participate in their next exhibition, called “Hair and Now: Contemporary Hair Art.” I’m working on a new series especially for the show, made entirely from human hair. But I have a favor to ask: Pepper and I have already used up all of our own hair, so I am wondering if you would be willing to send me some of yours? It doesn’t have to be from your head if you have more somewhere else that you can spare, but we would need about 2 ounces of it. Would you be willing to help me out since I’m doing you a favor with your moving situation?I feel like that’s fair. And can you ask your wife, too? Thank you, Victor!

Jim

– – –

Sorry, I can’t help. I’m bald.

– – –

No problem – let me know if anything changes with that. Also, I tracked your package and it looks like it was delivered. Will see if there’s a way we can get inside Willard’s house to get it.

– – –

Who is Willard and what does he have to do with this ??

The check was issued to you and your address ,.

What’s going on ?
– – –

Victor, have you forgotten all of our previous correspondences? I told you I had to stay at my friend Willard’s place while my house was being fumigated for my rat problem. And then he had to go out of town for a family emergency. Are you ok?

– – –

When do I get an update about the check ??

– – –

I will ask Pepper if there’s anything she can do today to get the check. She is very clever. Can you ask your wife about my hair donation request? I know you are both loyal patrons of the arts, right?

– – –

No, I can’t.

– – –

I understand. I hope I wasn’t being fresh by asking.

– – –

Mr Pepper.. what’s going on?

– – –

Good morning, Mr. Dean. First of all, I’m a woman, so you can address me as Ms. I am currently on my way to work, so I will give you an update later today regarding when I can attempt to retrieve your check. Thank you.

Pepper

– – –

Will you be able to make deposit today?

– – –

I will try, Victor, but I have to break into Willard’s house and get the check before anything else happens. And honestly Jim is keeping me pretty busy today, and now I have to go to all the neighborhood barbershops to collect hair for his new series of hair paintings. He said he asked you for help but you refused.

– – –

From Jim:
Victor, something terrible has happened!! Willard called to tell me he was back from his brother’s, so I went over to get your check, but when I got there Willard was dead! I’ve been with the police all morning.

Have you heard from Pepper? She won’t answer her phone and a neighbor told me he saw her motorcycle parked outside earlier.

– – –

She have the check with her. Kindly get in touch with her and get the check deposited.

– – –

Are you serious? Your reaction to my telling you that my friend is dead is “kindly get the check deposited”? Are you even a real person???

– – –

Sorry about your friend Jim, I was actually attending to something and that skipped my mind. May his soul rest in peace.

– – –

Thank you, Victor. It’s terrible someone would want to hurt such a nice person. And I would hate to think my studio assistant Pepper had anything to do with it, but the fact is she was seen leaving the scene of the crime. When was the last time you heard from her?

– – –

Have you been able to reach her ?

– – –

No, when I call her cell it goes straight to voicemail!

– – –

From Pepper:
Good morning, Victor. I went to Willard’s yesterday to retrieve your

check.

– – –

Good morning Pepper, Do you have the check with you? If yes kindly get it deposited and let me know when done. And thanks for the update.

– – –

Kindly confirm if this is your check? I am a bit confused because your name is not on it. It looks like it’s from Joy Behar or somebody. Please advise.

IMG_45412

– – –

Yes, it is correct it’s from me. His a client of mine. Kindly deposit the check and we wait for it to clear… thanks

– – –

OMG you know Joy Behar? I love her. Do you think they will take the check with all that blood on it? Don’t worry, it’s not mine. Take another look.

– – –

Seen. Please kindly do the needful.

– – –

Don’t you want to know whose blood it is, Victor?

– – –

Be professional with what you do please. Get the check deposited and let me know when you have done that.

– – –

Victor,

Joy Behar wrote your check for $4,810.00 USD, but the painting only costs $2,600.00. What do you want me to do with the extra money? Because I have some ideas. And how do you want me to ship the artwork to you?

Pepper

– – –

Good morning Pepper, Kindly let me know when you have confirmed the funds in your account, also the excess funds will be remitted via zelle, My shipper has provided me with their details, I hope you’re familiar with the app ?

– – –

Oh, they’re in there. Confirmed!

– – –

Kindly make a screenshot confirmation please.

– – –

Screen shot of what?

– – –

Screenshot of funds availability.

– – –

What are you talking about? I told you it was deposited into Jim’s account. Are you questioning me? You’re buying a painting from us, right? Or is there something else going on here?

– – –

Yes that’s correct. You told me earlier that they are in there and confirmed. And I ask you for a screenshot to confirm if the funds are there or not. Is there anything there you do not understand?

– – –

I don’t understand why you are asking for proof that I deposited it since I told you I did. I do not feel comfortable sending a stranger a screen shot of my bank account so if you want the painting you will need to take my word for it. And if not, I guess it’s bye bye.

– – –

Let me know as soon as the funds are available. So we can make arrangements on how my shipper will get in contact with you.

– – –

They are available!

– – –

Can you remit the excess funds via cashapp?

– – –

Why, certainly. I can’t think of any reason why I wouldn’t do that. Also, where do you want the painting shipped to?

– – –

My shipper will contact you for pick up once they confirm the funds. I will give you the cashapp info to remit the funds with.

– – –

I anxiously await.

– – –

Here is the cashapp info:  $kkfola

Kindly send in two installments $1100 and then $1110

My shipper will contact you  once they confirm this. And kindly send me an image of the confirmation page once you get this done.

– – –

Yeah I’m definitely going to do that.

– – –

Let me have your cell phone number please.

– – –

Waiting!!!

– – –

Calm down. I just sent your money using the Cash App, the fastest way to send money for free. Have a great day.

– – –

Kindly send an image of the confirmation page.

– – –

Here you go! You can also use me telling you that I sent it as your confirmation, unless you think I’m a liar.

– – –

Kindly send the image again. Can’t view it .

– – –

Sorry about that! Here it is again.

IMG_45413

– – –

Stop been stupid.

– —

What do you mean?

– – –

What does been stupid mean to you. Why are you joking with everything. I ask for a payment confirmation you sent me something else is that not stupidity

– – –

Said the pot to the kettle.

– – –

I think I need to call my brother in the FBI to come get you. Because we actually make an agreement before the check is been issued to you guys but it seems like you and your boss Jim are full of shit and am calling FBI. It’s a good thing I have your address.

– – –

Call them on yourself, while you’re at it.

– – –

From Jim:
Victor, why haven’t I heard from you? Have you been in touch with Pepper? The police and I need your help finding her!

– – –

Are you out of your mind ? You want to tell me you don’t know pepper have been mailing me since morning, I gave her a cashapp info to remit the extra funds and she refuse. I think you both are playing me and am gonna call my bro from FBI over to your home.

– – –

What? I haven’t seen Pepper in 3 days. I’m sure she’s responsible for what happened to my friend, Willard! I will forward your info to the police so they can contact you about what she said.

Also, I called the bank and reported the stolen check you sent as fraud. Reporting you to the FTC now.

Thanks for playing.

Dishonorable Mentions

Below is a list of aliases and email addresses for additional scammers who have contacted me or friends of mine. This list will be updated on an ongoing basis to help potential victims identify email fraud and avoid these scams.

Craig Koch – craigkoch5050@gmail.com
Kathryn Edwards – kathwards654@gmail.com
Michael Waltz  – waltzmichael26@gmail.com
Andrew Pauling andrewpauling222@gmail.com
Sophia Hayne sophia.hayne68@gmail.com
Lesly Kornezyeslykor11@gmail.com
Margaret Heywood margaret.heywood1961@gmail.com
Thomas Chris thomaschris534@gmail.com
Steve Bland – lhdue32@gmail.com
Susan Boyer – susan.boyer69@gmail.com
Ann Greg
angr87487@gmail.com

 

 

 

Empress Piesistratus

I’m interested in one of your piece within the price range of $500 to $2000 I’m buying it as surprise gift for my wife marking our 20th upcoming wedding anniversary. Also do you accept payment via cashier’s check? I’ll look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks
Empress
– – –


Dear Empress,
I apologize for not getting back to you sooner. I was recovering from a sprained finger and not checking this email account.
 

I am so thrilled to hear you are considering purchasing one of my artworks for your wife! As you have seen, I make paintings and sculptures, as well as performance art.

I can send you a list of available works, if you would like? And I would be happy to accept a cashier’s check.

 


Best,
Jim
– – –
Waiting to hear from you for the past two days. Also do you have the attached piece available for sale?

– – –


Hello Empress.
Yes, I apologize once again for the delay. I sustained my finger injury in an embarrassing CrossFit accident. Everything seems to be back to normal now and I have also gotten almost all of the margarine out of my clothes.

 

The piece you asked about is no longer available, but I do have these works for you to choose from. The images are all on my web site, which you have already seen:

“Fingernail Jell-O,” 2017
oil on linen
24 x 36 inches
$1200

“Bong School,” 2017
oil on linen
18 x 24 inches
$1000

“Mrs. Butterworth Ran Over My Dog,” 2018
oil on canvas
24 x 36 inches
$1200

Please let me know which one you would be interested in and let me know if you have any more questions.

Best,
Jim

— –
I am satisfied with “Mrs. Butterworth Ran Over My Dog,” 2018 $1200. Kindly get back to me with your full name, address and cell phone # so I can mail out the check to you this week. Thanks.

– – –

Hi Empress,
That’s great! I’m so pleased you have chosen “Mrs. Butterworth Ran Over My Dog,” 2018, oil on canvas, 24 x 36 inches as a gift for your wife. I’m sure she will be very surprised when she sees it, and it’s actually based on a true story. I can tell you about it sometime if you’re interested.
 

Just one question: do you need my studio address, or my home address to send the check. Please let me know.

 

Where are you based, by the way? If you are in the New York area, perhaps we could meet in person?

 

Best,
Jim

– – –
Hi Jim,
I would like you to narrate the story behind the piece. Also get back to me with your full name, mailing address and cell phone # where the check will be mailed to. Thanks
– – –

Hi Empress, Sure, here is my studio address where you can mail the check:
 

Jim Johnson Studio
XXXXXX
XXXXXX
cell: (XXX) XXX-XXXX

 

The story behind the painting happened when my family moved to Pepperidge Farm, Connecticut in 1989. It was me, my parents, my two sisters and our dog Skippy. We faced many adversities, leaving behind our previous home in Hidden Valley, California, but one of the most difficult challenges was dealing with the severe allergies of my youngest sister, Sara Lee, whose condition made it impossible for her to eat most commercially processed foods. After seeking the advice of a renowned clairvoyant in the area named Mama Leone, my parents decided to put her on a diet of fruits and vegetables and minimally processed foods.

 

Then one day my mother decided to try baking her some all-natural stone ground whole wheat bread with vitamins and nutrients intact. At a time when puffy, aerated white bread dominated the market, many skeptics—including our clairvoyant—didn’t think it was possible to bake nutritious bread that was also delicious. My mom proved them wrong.

 

It wasn’t long before her breads were gaining notoriety as the most delicious in the county. Folks were driving from far and wide for a chance to taste these wholesome loaves. Until one day in all the commotion, our neighbor, Mrs. Butterworth, ran over our dog, Skippy, so we sued her for $10,000.

 

I’ll let you know when I receive your check!

 

Best,
Jim

– – –
How are you doing today? I have been training my interns throughout yesterday and we are just moving towards port of Galveston, TX from Mexico on the open sea.I contacted a client of mine to issue out the payment to you, your bank would definitely be able to accept it and will clear within 24 hrs of depositing, So I can grab the piece and have you ship the piece to my shipping agent or they pick it up from your preferred location while am away.

There’s been a mix up in the payment made out to you by my client, I was supposed to receive two separate payment one for you (the piece) and the other for my shipping agent who is also responsible for moving some of our personal effect to our Florida beach house for our wedding Anniversary from Texas, unfortunately the whole sum of these two payments was issued on one check in your name.

Once you receive the payment please deduct your total amount for the piece including before sending the overage to my shipping agent. I am sure my wife would be very surprised.

I want you to know I would have handled this differently if I was home but right now am away on work with these amazing interns and wont be back home for the next couple of weeks. Am also pressed for time to meet up with our anniversary. So kindly get back to me, courtesy demand that I ask for your help before i proceed, I’ll look forward to hearing from you. Thanks.

– – –

Hey Empress,
Sorry it took me a couple of hours to get back to you. I was at my CrossFit class and we did an AMRAP of Burpees and Squat Snatches that really kicked my butt. I almost gave up when we got to the Turkish Thrust Dumpers!
 

I just read your email and I didn’t realize you were writing to me from the open sea? That sounds real interesting. Are you a ship captain for a vacation cruise line? Or perhaps you are part of the onboard entertainment cast for a Broadway-style performance? I once took a cruise with Royal Caribbean and saw a lively production of a show called “Mammal Mia!” which was basically just like “Mama Mia!” except all of the characters were whales.

 

All that aside, I have read the rest of your email and I understand there has been a mix-up in the payment you are sending, and you will need me to relay some extra funds to a third party. This will be no problem. I talked it over with everybody in my CrossFit class and we all agree it sounds totally normal.

 

In the meantime, let me know if you need any more info from me and I will look forward to receiving your check.

 

– – –
Hi, How are you doing today?I am so sorry I missed your mails it went to the junk folder and I nearly trash it. I will respond to your mail tomorrow. I’m pretty busy now. Thank You.

– – –

Hello Empress,
I received your check yesterday. It’s for the wrong amount. Let me know what you would like to do.

Jim

– – –
Hi Jim,
Good to hear from you. Kindly have the check deposited in the morning and it will get cleared within 24 hours, as soon as its cleared deduct the due amount for the piece and I will provide you with the mover details where the overage will be sent to. Thank You.
– – –

OK, but I noticed the check was issued by something called “Nardone Brothers Baking Company.” What is that? Do you come from a family of bakers, too? That would be such an insane coincidence!

 

– – –
That’s my wife’s family joint business.Have the check deposited and it will get cleared within 24 hours in exceptional cases it could get cleared immediately. Make sure you deduct any tax incurred on the overage before sending the balance to the mover. My wife would be surprised when she received the surprise gift

Thanks

– – –

Wow, that’s really interesting that we both share a connection to baking! I’d love to hear more about the products your wife’s company makes at some point.
 

After the accident with our dog, my mom dedicated her life’s work to making baked goods especially for dogs. What she came up with looked like an Italian calzone, but it was filled with wet dog food. She called it the “Pooch Pouch” and they became so popular that soon everyone in town wanted them for their canine companions. I think some folks even fed them to their kids.

 

OK, I have to go to my Hip-Hop Yoga class, but I’ll deposit your check on the way.

 

Best,
Jim
– – –

Very cool!

– – –

Hi Empress,
Something terrible has happened! I was at my Yoga class, and right as I was about to do a “Happy Baby” pose, I felt a sharp pain in my lower back. After about 10 minutes of laying there, I finally decided I’d better get to the hospital, so I had someone carry me out and drive me there (that’s where I’m writing to you from). The doctor says I have Spondylolisthesiscosis! It sounds bad and I don’t even know how to pronounce it!
 

In any case, I am cc’ing my assistant, Pepper, on this email so she can help follow through with the rest of this transaction. Wish me luck in a speedy recovery!
– – –
So sorry to hear that. How are you feeling now? I’m yet to hear from pepper
– – –


Thank you, Empress. I took a Doan’s Extra Strength pill for back aches so I’m feeling much better! I will remind Pepper to email you tomorrow. She gets into work at the studio around 9am. Thank you for your patience! Are you still out to sea?

 

– – –
You are welcome. Yes I’m still at the sea Jim, have you deposited the check already?
– – –

Yes I deposited it on the way to my yoga class, so at least that’s taken care of. You never told me what you’re doing in the middle of the ocean, but I guess it’s not really any of my business.
 

– – –
Okay, I told you we are training the new hires
– – –

New hires for what? What do you do? Sorry for all the questions. I’m really bored here in this hospital room waiting for the nurse to come back.
 

– – –
Newly hired ocean engineers
– – –

Oh wow. You know, Halloween is just around the corner so pretty soon you might come across a “potion engineer”or two, amirite Empress?
– – –

Good morning, Empress. I apologize for my cheesy, seasonal joke. I must have taken too many Doan’s back pain pills!
– – –

(From Pepper Mhavrych):
Jim, go back to sleep. I’ll handle this.
 

Hello Empress. This is Pepper and I’ll be taking care of this transaction from here. I have reviewed Jim’s emails with you and understand you sent us a check for the wrong amount. Is that correct?

 

– – –
(From Empress to Jim):
Hi,
How you doing today? I believed the check must have cleared to your account by now, kindly double check with your bank and get back to me ASAP so I can provide you with the movers info where the overage will be sent to. Thank You.
– – –

Hi Empress,
I’m feeling a little better now, but I still can’t walk or get out of bed yet. The doctor says I need to stay at least one more day, which is really a bummer because I was planning on attending a new Hot Pilates / Miming class today.
 

Pepper said she contacted you about completing the sale, but she never heard back from you. Did you get her email? I am copying her again here.

 

Best,
Jim

– – –
Hi Jim,
I’m so sorry to hear that and I wish you quick recovery, I did not receive any email from Pepper except you bcc her the previous email that you sent yesterday. Should I provide you with the movers Account information where the overage would be sent to ? All you have to do is to instruct her to make a Money Order deposit into the movers Bank of America account and she should provide the copy of deposit slip so I can forward it to my private mover. Thank You.
– – –

That’s so strange. Did you check your junk email folder? I know you said that some of my messages had ended up there. I would really rather have Pepper take it from here so that I can nap.
– – –
Her mail wasn’t in the junk nor the inbox, Here is the movers information:
Account Number: 446041515079
Account Name: Courage Aigbodion Eno
Bank: Bank of America

Just instruct her to make the deposit through Money Order and provide me with the copy of the deposit slip when she’s done. Try to have some rest.

Cheers

– – –

(From Pepper Mhavrych):
Hello Empress, This is Pepper again. Jim gave me the info for your shipper, so I can help take care of this for you. Please let me know if you receive this message. Jim is napping.

– – –
Yes I got this message.
– – –

OK, great. And I understand you need me to send the erroneous overpayment to a person named Courage Aigbodion Eno, is that correct?
– – –
Perfect, make the deposit through Money Order or Cashier’s check and provide me with the copy of the deposit slip
– – –

OK, I will take care of that when I have finished some bookkeeping I need to do for Jim. And just to confirm, you are purchasing the painting “Mrs. Butterworth Ran Over My Dog” 2018, oil on canvas, 24 x 36 inches for $1200, is that correct?
 

– – –
Yes, that is correct.
– – –

Thanks. I will start packing it up this afternoon. Can you please let me know your shipper’s packing requirements and what date they will be here to pick it up?
 

– – –
You need to send me your direct cell phone # they will contact you later regarding the package requirements for pickup
– – –

Empress, today is the only day I will be able to pack up the piece as I will be away next week to attend the International Network for Studio Assistants, North East conference in Saratoga Springs. If you just tell me which shipper you are using, I can contact them to confirm their requirements. Are you using FedEx, UPS, DHL, PEE? Just let me know, thanks.
– – –
Okay I will provide you with the shipper address and you could have the piece mailed through USPS.
Have the piece mailed to:
Thomas Ross
16790 NE 14th Ave
Miami, FL 33162
I’m buying it as a surprise gift to my wife to celebrate our upcoming anniversary and I do not want her to have a clue regarding the surprise.

– – –

Oh, interesting. Well, I hope your wife likes weird-ass paintings. I will put together a cardboard crate to have it shipped in, thanks.
– – –
Perfect. Make sure you take care of the payment before bank close for today and also provide with the shipment receipt, tracking # and tell payment deposit slip.

Thank You.

– – –

I will try, but I just realized we are all out of bubble wrap and the place that sells the kind Jim uses also closes at 5pm. He makes me get this organic kind that’s made from recycled pet waste and they only sell it at this stupid “all-natural” store on the other side of town. I hope you never have to work for an artist, Empress!
– – –
Okay the shipping of the painting could wait till next week. My private mover is moving our personal effect to our beach house in FL. Just take your time till next week on the shipping as I dont want anything to happen to the painting.
– – –

But I am supposed to be off all next week for the International Network for Studio Assistants, North East (INSANE) conference, remember? I will look in the trash to see if there’s anything else I can find to pack the painting with.
– – –
Okay if you can find something to package it fine and if not the painting could wait till you are back from the conference.
– – –

Empress, OMG I was digging around in the trash and I found a Post-It note that Jim had written and it said, “To do list: Fire Pepper.” It sounds like Jim is planning to fire me! Isn’t that what it sounds like to you? I am simply incensed!

 

I think I’ll pay Jim a visit at the hospital tonight and bring him a little surprise… but it’s not going to be flowers!
– – –

(From Jim to Empress):
Hi Empress. How’s everything going? I just woke up from a long nap. Did you work everything out with Pepper?
 

– – –
Not yet just instruct her to make the deposit and provide the slip so I can forward it to the mover before the bank closes for today.
– – –

I’ve been trying to reach her actually but she hasn’t responded to any of my emails. What was the last thing she said to you?
– – –
She will definitely take care of what you need her to do.
– – –

Oh the nurse just told me Pepper is coming up to my room now actually. I wasn’t expecting her. I’ll ask her what the status is.
– – –
Ok, let me know.
– – –

(From Pepper Mhavrych to Empress):
Morning, Empress. Just thought you’d like to know that I took care of it.

Pepper
 

– – –
Were you able to take care of it? Send the screenshot of the deposit slip. And also the shipment tracking #
– – –

What tracking number? I mean I took care of Jim. You won’t have to worry about him anymore. I’m running the show now.
– – –
What do you mean by you took care of Jim?
– – –

He’s no longer our problem. But now we have a chance at even greater fortune now that he’s out of the picture. Empress, how much do you know about the occult?
 

I just have a short list of things I need you to do with items you can find around the house and I will take care of the rest. I know a place where I can get the crocodile dung.
– – –

(From Jim to Empress):
Empress, I can’t believe what has happened! I just woke up after sleeping almost all day – the doctor found me this morning and said someone had placed candles all around my bed, along with a pile of gopher guts. They were so greasy and grimy!
 

I think it was Pepper! Have you heard from her?

– – –
YOU WILL NEVER SEE PEACE ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE.
– – –

Gmail suggested the following replies:
“So True!”
“Thank you!” &
“Same to you.”
(I chose the first one)

Potter Carlos

Hello there,
I noticed my wife’s search history filled with your art piece information on my laptop, she is a lover of artworks and i see she has an interest in your designs. Well, after seeing your various works, i give you accolades too!!! Quite an insane level of creativity you got.

I would really love to receive further information and details from you. I am interested in purchasing a piece as  SURPRISE GIFT for her. Would you be kind enough to confirm the availability of the art_piece ready for immediate sales. Thank you and my best regards.

Potter Carlos

– – –

Dear Potter,
I apologize for not getting back to you sooner. I was recovering from surgery and not checking this email account. I am so thrilled to hear your wife has taken a liking to my artworks! I would love to sell you a piece to give to her. As you have seen, I make paintings and sculptures, as well as performance art. Is there a particular size or type of piece you are interested in?

Best,
Jim

– – –

Hello:
Thanks for the message. However, I would greatly appreciate if you could possibly recommend a few completed original piece ready for immediate sale within my budget ( $450- $2000 ). Just need something within that price range. I can tell she likes your work and a painting from you would be the best Wedding Anniversary gift. I would appreciate if you can figure out a piece of work that would serve that purpose. Kindly email images and prices of any available works in that range.

Thanks you.
– Potter

– – –

Hi Potter,

I must say your wife has great taste, at the risk of sounding sassy. I’d be more than happy to send a list of available works. Below are a few within your price range (the images are all on my web site which you have already seen):

“Digital Diaper”
2018
oil on canvas
18 x 24 inches
$1200

“Salad Troll”
2017
oil on canvas
24 x 30 inches
$1600

“Daniel Radcliffe on a Horse”
2018
oil on canvas
18 x 24 inches
$1200

Please let me know which one you like the best and we can go from there. Have a great day!

Best,
Jim

– – –

Thanks for the message,  I must tell you I intend to give my wife a surprise with the immediate purchase of the piece. Also If you’d like to know, I’m relocating to the Philippines soon and our wedding anniversary is fast approaching. So I’m trying to gather some good stuff to make this event a surprise one. I am buying “Daniel Radcliffe on a Horse” 2018 oil on canvas 18 x 24 inches of $1200 as a gifts to her.I’m okay with the price, I think it’s worth it anyway, so I’ll be sending a check.

As regarding shipping, you don’t have to worry about that in order not to leave any clue to my wife for the surprise. as soon as you receive and cash the check, my shipping agent (who is also moving my personal effect) will contact you to arrange pick-up.

I would have come to purchase the piece myself but, at the moment, am on training voyage to the North Atlantic Ocean (I’m an ocean engineer) with new hires who are fresh from graduate school and won’t be back for another couple of weeks.

Regards,
Potter

PS: In the meantime, kindly get back to me with your full name (you want the check payable to) cell phone no. and contact address (preferably for Usps ,fedEx not P.O box) where a check can be mailed to, so I can get the check prepared and have it mailed out to you right away.

– – –

Sorry for my delay in getting back to you. I accidentally flushed my Pearl Gourami down the toilet and have been dealing with a specialty plumber for the past 18 hours trying to rescue him. Unfortunately, we were not successful.

I am so pleased you have chosen “Daniel Radcliffe on a Horse” 2018, oil on canvas as a surprise gift for your wife! That’s my favorite one in the group, and it’s actually based on a true story. I can tell you about it sometime if you’re interested. And I would be happy to accept a check.

How interesting that you are an ocean engineer! I once met someone who saw a TV program about ocean engineering. I think his name was Brian.

I just have one question for you. Do you need my home address or my studio address to send the check to?

Best regards,
Jim

– – –

Any of it will work .but let me have the one you can pick it up during the day and name to address it too ..thanks

– – –

Oh, I see. In that case I will give you my studio address. Even if I am not the one to collect the mail, my landlady, Mrs. Dursley, can set it aside for me. Sometimes I have had trouble at the house with my nosy neighbor, Mr. Snape, stealing my mail. He is so mean!

Please send the check to:
Jim Johnson
XXXXX
XXXXX

It’s so exciting you are moving to the Philippines! May I ask where you are moving from?

Best,
Jim

– – –

Dear Jim
Hope you are good. Thanks for the details which I’ve noted down,  My wife handles the family credit card/bank issues, and in order not to leave any clue to her for the surprise,  I’ve contacted a client of mine to issue out a check which will include my shipping agent fees to you, But courtesy demand i must  first appeal to your self interest and ask for your help in remitting the overage (after deducting your fee for the piece) to the shipping agent as soon as the check clears.

Jim, I would have handled this much differently if I’d been at home but am a bit pressed for time as our anniversary is fast approaching and do not have access to a lot of cash over here to expedite this transaction…. trying to kill two birds with a stone. kindly deduct any IRS tax incurred on the overage before giving the balance the shipping agent. they are not sending any bill or hold you responsible for the payment of my shipping contract with them.

I am really sorry for the mixup and will appreciate if you get back to me asap to know if i can entrust you with this transaction.

Many thanks and talk to you soon,
Potter

– – –

Dear Potter,
Thanks for letting me know about your special circumstances. I must admit, I haven’t had a lot of experience with selling my paintings. In fact, this is only the second time anyone has wanted to buy one of them. You see, I am primarily a performance artist—I make performances. The paintings are more of an accessory to my real work, and I don’t even paint them. They are created in China by professional copyists using the methods of mass production. But they are still my work, so don’t worry about it.

In any case, I will be happy to help you out and keep the surprise from your wife. As my Pop-Pop always used to say, “The turtleneck only makes an advance when it is stuck outside.” Just let me know what I need to do, and have a great day!

Jim

– – –

Hello :Jim
Thanks for your Quick response  I will instruct my Associate Financial to issue and mail the paycheck to your Information via Courier services and do let me know when you receive the check and also make sure you check your email the moment you receive it,so as to proceed with the Instructions on  remitting the overage (after deducting your fee for the piece) to the shipping agent as soon as the check get cleared thanks for your sincere co-op

Best Regards,
Potter

– – –

That sounds just fine, Potter. I’ll keep an eye out for that check!

So, where you are moving to the Philippines from? I hope you don’t mind my asking.

– – –

The reason I ask is because I thought maybe if you were in the New York area you might want to come visit the studio when you get back from your ocean voyage? I would love to meet you!

– – –

Hello Potter,
Are you receiving my emails?

– – –

Yes , the check payment will get to you during this coming week ..thanks

– – –

That’s great, but did you see my question about visiting me at the studio? Do you live in New York City? I’d love to meet you if you have time so I can show you my other work.

– – –

that will be after my anniversary then i can come for a visit.

– – –

Oh, that would be wonderful. So you live in the New York area? Or where do you currently live?

– – –

Potter, are you receiving my emails? I still have not received your check.

– – –

Hello Jim,
Please kindly excuse my tardiness response we had issues with our logistic partner and we want you to know it just got sorted out and i’m sending an email to let you know  the payment will get across to you as discussed today with tracking number: 9405 5102 0088 3911 4496 72   via USPS . Cashiers check was made payable to :

Name : Jim Johnson
XXXXX
XXXXX

would be delivered to  today before 4pm kindly advice upon receipt and also a contact cell phone number you/he can be reached on….
Thanks and Have a great day,

– – –

Hi Potter,
I understand. We all have “issues” from time to time. I guess that explains why you didn’t respond to my question. I asked you several times if you lived in the New York area and you never answered. But I don’t take it personally now that I know you were having these issues. So do you live in the New York area or not?

– – –

Am sorry i have been battling with some health issues and also I guess i might have missed some of your emails or probably your messages might have hit my spam folder, we are already in process of moving to Philippines as i told you before showing my full interest in your work 🙂 We live down town California in Santa Rosa, Do you Visit California?… let me know when the check arrives and how you will like to proceed..  Thanks

– – –

Hi Potter,
I’m so sorry to hear you have been dealing with these health issues. I’ve been having to go to the doctor quite regularly, as well, for surgeries. Some people might call them unnecessary surgeries because they don’t serve any medical purpose, but they are in fact very necessary for me because they are for my art. As I mentioned in my previous email, my main art practice is performance, so I’ve undergone several anatomical modifications for that.

I’m actually recovering today from the latest surgery, so I won’t be at the studio to receive your check, but I will be back there first thing tomorrow.

I’ve never been to Santa Rosa in downtown California before, but I spent several years in San Luis Obispo, where I lived above a tap dancing school that was a also a Thai restaurant in the daytime.

I hope you feel better soon, and I will let you know when I receive the check!

– – –

Hi: Jim Johnson
Just a quick update. The check for $3,950  has been delivered to you today via  USPS Tracking num is 9405 5102 0088 3911 4496 72  which you can track on http://www.usps.com

Please it would be highly appreciated if you kindly forward the overage $2,750  to Vickie Jean Maestas  (the shipping agent), without much delay, as the funds will be needed to register and do all necessary paperwork for these goods prior to pick up.
Otherwise there would be a late delivery which would ruin the plans for my anniversary. As soon as they receive the funds from  you, they’ll give you a call to make arrangement and schedule a convenient pick up time with you.

All you have to do is visit any   MONEY GRAM  & WESTERN UNION TRANSFER outlet around you with the overage (in cash) and make the transfer “money in minute”  to the shipping agent information below;

Name: Vickie Jean Maestas
City: Albuquerque
State: New Mexico
Zip Code : 87121

Kindly send the balance payment of $ 1,375 Via MONEY GRAM TRANSFER and the remaining $ 1,375  should be sent via WESTERN UNION TRANSFER to the shipping info above. There will be a  MONEY GRAM  & WESTERN UNION TRANSFER charges and that should be deducted from the balance as going to the shipping agent as well. the reason why im asking you to split the transaction is that western union might want to delay any transaction above $1,500  and in-other not to delay my shipping agent  , proceed on as instructed above as soon as you have it done today, kindly email with the REF NUM FOR MONEY GRAM TRANSFER  & WESTERN UNION TRANSFER Mtcn Num ,  exact amount sent and sender’s  name.

Note : you can view the link bellow by putting your zip code to see the MONEY GRAM & WESTERN UNION outlet closer to you

Money Gram Outlet = http://locations.moneygram.com
Western Union Outlet = ( https://www.westernunion.com/us/en/agent-locator.html )

Thanks for your sincere co-op and I hope to hear from you soon,

Best Regards

– – –

Hello Potter,
I’m glad to hear the check was delivered. As I mentioned in my last email, I am not at the studio today, so I cannot look to see if it is there. Perhaps my neighbor, Mr. Voldemort, accepted the delivery. I will let you know first thing in the morning.

Also, I wanted to let you know that the painting you are purchasing, “Daniel Radcliffe on a Horse,” 2018, oil on canvas, is part of a larger performance piece that is included with the total price you are paying. I can tell you more about it later, but basically I will need to come to your home once the painting is installed and activate the space around it with the performance. This is very important to the meaning of the artwork so I hope you won’t have any issues with that.

Best,
Jim

– – –

Good-Morning Jim ,
Checking to know if you have confirmed the check payment and have you deposited it ? let me know and also hit me back with your cell #

– – –

Hi Potter,

Yes, in fact I was able to get the check from my neighbor, Mr. Voldemort. He’s a real wizard at collecting the mail!

Before I cash the check, I wanted to make sure you read about the performance in my previous email, which is an important part of the artwork you are buying? I would like to know that you are ok with that before we proceed. Thanks.

– – –

Yes i will like to proceed as agreed, i certainly believe we already sealed a deal! 🙂 However you have the payment already. I also just finished talking to my Associate who mailed the payment on my behalf he instructed you  can go ahead and deposit the check with you bank merchant as soon as you can before the end of business day meanwhile it could take 24-72hrs for check to be processed regarding to your merchant … Thank you very much i’m hoping to see the best of you from this… i will correspond via email as soon as i can …

– – –

That’s great! I’ll deposit the check on my lunch break. Today I’m going to have one of Mrs. Weasley’s corned beef sandwiches. I just need to know a few details about where I’ll be doing the performance to make sure everything will go smoothly. What is the name of the town where you will be living so I can make sure the right resources are available? I know you said it was somewhere in the Philippines, but whereabouts?

– – –

Hi Jim ..i will like to inform you that our anniversary is coming soon and if you really want to have my full details…..my address 226 Providence Pt, Anderson, NC 29626, cell num-(704) 533- 7134  & here is our relocation address in Manila Philippines (Highway Hills South Tower 3809 Parking near guard house Manila Philippines )

Regards

– – –

Great, thank you so much. I’ll do some research around the area of your new home in Manila to locate the nearest horse stable. Also, can you tell me about the type of floor you will have in your new home, and if it happens to be made of concrete? I just need to know if it will be able to withstand the weight of 5,000 pounds. Thanks.

– – –

Hi Potter,
I couldn’t figure out what was going wrong with my email, so just let me know if you receive this. Also, I deposited the check.

– – –

Oh that’s great! please don’t hesitate to let me know when funds are available although my  associate already put a call through so to expedite the process without  any delay, i wait your correspondence if we have a positive news!

– – –

Did you see my question about the type of floor you will have in your new house? Do you think it can withstand 5,000 pounds? I just want to make sure before we proceed. I apologize for not addressing this sooner. It’s for the performance I told you about. Do you have any questions about that?

– – –

Yes, I do. We never had any conclusion or sign an agreement regarding that Jim. Am a bit way confused. I have to give you too much details, and i believe this was supposed to be a painting deal business lol? Excuse my curiosity if you don’t mind .

– – –

Yes, I understand your confusion, and I am so sorry I forgot to bring this up earlier. As I mentioned, I’ve been recovering from my recent surgery and have had a lot to deal with afterwards (pus, etc.).

If you’ll remember, the painting and the performance are part of the same artwork. For the performance component of the piece, I’ll need to bring 5 adult horses into your home for about 2 hours. I’m already in touch with a local stable to make the arrangements. They just need to know what date would be best. Could you let me know what works for you?

Thanks, and again I’m so sorry for the last minute details…

– – –

Am sorry we never made arrangement for this. Am sorry i might have to turn down the offer. Am sorry.

– – –

I’ll admit I have a reputation for being an eccentric artist, which you are probably aware of if you’ve read the review of my latest show in “Art Hog Magazine.”

If you prefer I could probably use ponies instead of adult horses and I’m sure they won’t weigh as much. Trust me it will be worth it and your wife will be so surprised!

– – –

Will think about it and get back to you mean while keep me posted  regarding the funds availability. We have the movers to sort out still remember, i have other things to attend to drop a message if any news…

Lovely day

– – –

Ok, well can you let me know what date would work to do the performance? And can I stay with you please? I don’t know anyone in the Philippines.

I went ahead and sent the money to Vickie Jean Maestas in New Mexico. Who is that, anyway?

– – –

Excuse me, I am confused. Do you mean you already made out payment to the shipper?

– – –

Is Vickie Jean Maestas the shipper?  

– – –

Yes I stated that in the email.

– – –

Ok, then yes. Also, regarding the performance, I just wanted to let you know in advance that it’s going to involve a lot of nudity. Will that be an issue?

– – –

Our guest are all over 18+

– – –

Ok good. But don’t worry- it will be very tasteful. You and your wife will feel elevated! What’s the next step, Potter? Did Vickie Jean Maestas receive the funds?

– – –
Good Morning. i don’t understand what you mean by Vickie receiving funds. i received an email from you asking whats next. is this more like a joke thing?
– – –

No, I was asking what the next step would be in getting the painting to you. You never told me when the shipper would arrive to pick it up, and I need to have my assistant pack it beforehand.
– – –
you also never mentioned that in any of your mail. sorry, do you should have a slip as proof so i can forward that to Vickie for confirmation? just like me sending to you the usps tracking number to confirm the check transit and delivery?
– – –

No I sent the money through “The Cash Wizard” and he didn’t give me one of those. He said it was guaranteed.

Mark Thompson

My name is Mark Thompson from Jacksonvile, Florida. The images on your website are so fascinating and so vivacious, looking at each piece of work i can easily see that you added so much dedication in making each work come out to life, unfortunately i lost the website where i first saw your work but i was able to save your email address. I will like to purchase some of your work for my wife as a surprise gift for our 20th anniversary. Please kindly send pics and prices of some of your art which are ready for immediate sale within price range $500- $5,000, I could be flexible with price. I am writing you because i need your assistant to get back to your website so as to be able to retrieve the details of your work that interest me or send me images of some of your new works with price.
Best Regards,
Mark

 

Dear Mr. Thompson,
Thanks so much for your note, and it’s always great to hear that my work has inspired an art lover from afar! I would be happy to sell you a painting to give your wife for your anniversary (congrats!). To make it easier, I will include a list of available works with details below:
“Dental Fantasy” 2018
oil on canvas

36 x 30 inches

$2,500

“Labradoodle Vortex” 2016

oil on canvas

30 x 24 inches

$2,300
 
“New Age Plumber” 2018
oil on canvas

48 x 40 inches

$3,000
 
“Earwax Casserole” 2016
oil on canvas

36 x 30 inches

$2,500

 

Please let me know if you are interested in one of these works (the images for these are all on my website). I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Dear Jim,
Thanks for the message, I must tell you I intend to give my wife a surprise with the immediate purchase of the piece. Also If you’d like to know, I’m relocating to Ireland soon and our wedding anniversary is fast approaching. So I’m trying to gather some good stuff to make this event a surprise one. I am buying The “Earwax Casserole” 2016 oil on canvas 36 x 30 in $2,500 art piece as a gift to her. Let me know the last firm price you are selling this to me, I think it’s worth it anyway, so I’ll be sending a check.
As regarding shipping, you don’t have to worry about that in order not to leave any clue to my wife for the surprise. as soon as you receive and cash the check, my shipping agent (who is also moving my personal effect) will contact you to arrange pick-up.
I would have come to purchase the piece myself but, at the moment, am on training voyage to the North Atlantic Ocean (I’m an ocean engineer) with new hires who are fresh from graduate school and won’t be back for another couple of weeks.
Regards,
Mark.

 

PS: In the meantime, kindly get back to me with your full name (you want the check payable to) cell phone no. and contact address (preferably for FedEx not P.O box) where a check can be mailed to, so I can get the check prepared and have it mailed out to you right away.

 

Hi Mr. Thompson! That’s wonderful news! I’m so excited you have chosen “Earwax Casserole,” 2016, oil on canvas, 36 x 30 inches as a gift for your wife. I’m sure she will be very surprised when she sees it, and it’s actually based on a true story. I can tell you about it sometime if you’re interested.

That’s really fascinating that you are moving to Ireland! I’ve never been there, but I feel like I have “the luck of the Irish” today after hearing from you! I’m so excited to be making my first sale to a real collector! (Unless you count my Aunt Bernice, who bought one of my paintings last year, but I think she just felt sorry for me).

 

You can make the check out to: Jim Johnson Studio. But would you prefer my home address, or studio address? Please let me know! Thank you so much!

 

Jim,
Thanks for keeping in touch, I really appreciate your kind gesture towards getting this lovely painting to my wife. She is so special and I adore her so much, Yes it’s our 20th year anniversary and we are relocating to Ireland. It’s such a beautiful country, I love nature. I would prefer your home address so as to have the payment delivered to your doorstep. I will be waiting for your mailing information to mail out check overnight. Once agin, Thank you for being part of our memorial anniversary.

 

 Best,
Mark.

 

Dear Mark,
It sounds like you and your wife are embarking on a very special new chapter in your lives! It makes me happy to hear about your new beginnings, even though we’ve never met. Where are you moving to Ireland from, if you don’t mind my asking?

 

Nature and country life have always been very important to me, too. It’s practically all I’ve ever known. I’ve been living on my Aunt Bernice’s farm in Sprankle Mills, Pennsylvania since the day my parents were killed in a terrible bowling accident. Aunt B taught me everything I know, from driving a tractor to cleaning the hog house. I used to hate having to do that, but I did it anyway. I had to use a big hose to spray all the hog manure down to the ditch, and the hogs would get so excited for a chance to cool off they would run right into me and knock me down! It made Aunt B laugh her head off to see me toppled over face down in a puddle of hog feces. I guess I did look pretty silly.

 

Well, all that’s about to change… this week I’m leaving the country and moving the the Big Apple – New York City! It was actually Aunt Bernice’s idea. She knew how much I loved to paint in my spare time, and one day she sat me down and said, “Jim, if you ever want to make it as an artist, you’ve got to go someplace where you’ll get noticed by more than hogs!” I knew in my heart she was right.

 

 So you can send the check to my new home address below and I’ll be sure to look out for it.
XXXXX
XXXXX
Brooklyn, NY 11205

 

 Thank you so much, Mark!

 

 

Hello Jim, How are you doing today and Thanks for keeping in touch, We will be moving from Jacksonville, Florida. Also, am really sorry to hear about your parents. Aunt B really supports you about your New York move. Am sure it will boost your experience, sales and meeting new people to create more beautiful paintings in future. My shipping agent is due in the U.S sometime this week. So i have contacted a client of mine to issue out a check which will include my shipping agent fees to you right away. This is done to avoid delay or any inconvenience that may arise from his part and to allow check to clear before pick up. However, courtesy demand i must first appeal to your self interest and ask for your help in remitting the overage (after deducting your fee for the piece) to the shipping agent as soon as the check clears.
I would have handled this much differently if I’d been at home but am a bit pressed for time as our anniversary is fast approaching and do not have access to a lot of cash over here to expedite this transaction…Kindly deduct any IRS tax incurred on the overage before giving the balance to the shipping agent. As i do not want you to involve any of your personal funds in this transaction, that is why all funds are made available to you. As an aside, they are not sending any bill or hold you responsible for the payment of my shipping contract with them.

 

I am really sorry for the mix up and will appreciate if you get back to me asap to know if i can entrust you with this transaction. I will be waiting to read from you soon.

 

Best Regards,
Mark.

 

Hi Mark,
I’m doing outstanding! Today is the day of my big move, and right now I’m on a Greyhound bus headed for New York City! I’m a little nervous, but Aunt B made all the arrangements for me and even found me a part-time job at a big department store. She used to be a cabaret singer there in the 1970s, so she has a lot of connections.

 

I’m really going to miss her. As a going away present, she gave me a pair of commemorative bowling balls with my parent’s faces airbrushed onto them. Then I asked her, “How will I remember you, Aunt B?” And she said, you’ll always carry a part of me with you, and she took the partial denture from her lower jaw and put it in my hand. I’m wearing it as a necklace.

 

I wish she were here right now to give me advice on this money transfer situation. But you seem like a nice person, so what could possibly go wrong? You can count on me, Mark. I’m sure I can figure out how to get the money to your shipping agent after you send the payment. Just let me know what I have to do!

 

Hello Jim,
How are you doing today and I hope all is well with you. Am very happy for you to know you finally moved to New York, How’s the weather over there and i hope you enjoy the new place, city that never sleeps and also known for its Broadway theatres, cinemas and electronic billboards. It’s hard but i know you will miss Aunty B, but am sure her heart will always be with you. I also wanted to inform you that I got a notification from USPS that the check will be delivered to you tomorrow. Here is the USPS tracking # 9405512699350101380090 you can easily get it track via www.usps.com to know exact time it will be delivered but not later than 03:00 PM

 

Anyway, as soon as you receive the check, Have the check deposited at your nearest ATM/Bank or via Mobile Apps, Kindly email me a copy of the deposit slip once you are done. The funds should be available next day, but in some exceptional cases the funds are available immediately.
Kindly email me ASAP, so I can give you the shipper’s information and instructions on how to wire the balance to the shipper…My Shipper will contact you to make arrangement for an appropriate time for the pick-up of the Piece. Thanks and I await to read from you soon.

 

Best Regards,
Mark.

 

Hi Mark! I can’t believe I’m finally in New York City! I spent the whole day exploring. First I went to the Statue of Liberty, then the Empire State Building, and then to Radio City Music Hall to see the world famous Rockettes. It turned out they had the day off, so I just rode around in a limousine for 30 minutes.

 

The weather today was hotter than a goat’s behind in a pepper patch, as Aunt B would say! You’re right, I’ve just been gone a couple of days, but I sure do miss her already. She only gave me her false teeth, though, not her heart. But you never know, I think she’s an organ donor, so maybe one day…

 

I’ll keep an eye out for the check, but I’m actually not at my new place yet. There was a mix-up with the current tenants are they’re still moving out. But luckily for me, Aunt B knows a manager at the Plaza: New York’s most exciting hotel experience, so I’m staying there for the next couple of nights. It sure is fancy! But I’ll be sure to keep checking http://www.usps.com to see when your payment is delivered so I can run over and pick it up. I wouldn’t want it to end up in the wrong hands!

 

OK, gotta get some rest so I’ll be ready for another day here in the Big Apple!

 

 

Jim,
Nice to read from you again, wow that sounds like you have some fun. Kindly keep me posted once you the check is delivered. I will be waiting to read from you soon.
Best,
Mark

 

OK, Mark, but right now I’m on my way to see Times Square! I heard it’s sometimes referred to as “The Crossroads of the World.” One of the world’s busiest pedestrian areas, it is also the hub of the Broadway Theater District and a major center of the world’s entertainment industry. Have you ever been to New York City, Mark?

 

 

Jim,
Thanks for keeping in touch, I have been to New York Time square once, at the end of the year. It was such a nice experience I can never forget. It’s fine you enjoy the new place now. I just got a notification from USPS the check was delivered to your mailbox. Let me know if you have it. I will send you shipping agent information and instructions on how to remit the balance. Also send me your phone number to keep in touch with you.

Best,
Mark

 

Hi Mark! Holy cow the last 24 hours have been like three wars and a goat roping! Now I’m beginning to see how New York got its gritty reputation… Yesterday I decided to go to Central Park: located in the heart of the city and attracting nearly 38 million visitors every year, it is also the first public park built in America. Well, it didn’t take long before I was totally LOST! I got so exhausted from walking that I sat down for a while and started feeding some huge rats. Then, this lady came out from behind a rock and she had rats crawling all over her! It turned out they were all her pets (and her only friends). At first I thought she was scary and kind of gross, but then I realized that everyone just needs someone to talk to and we quickly became friends. She took me to this theater where she knew a secret way to sneak in to see something called The Blue Man Group. I decided to leave my expectations at the door and let three bald and blue men take me on a spectacular journey bursting with music, laughter and surprises!

 

Well after that was over, it was getting pretty late and, as I was walking back to the hotel, I saw these two bandits trying to rob an Urban Outfitters. I couldn’t believe that someone would try to take something that didn’t belong to them, so I pulled out the disposable camera Aunt B gave me and took a photo of them, but when the flash went off, they saw me and started chasing me! They followed me all the way back to the hotel. Luckily I got inside safely, but I’m too scared to spend the night there now that they know where I’m staying. I found a 24-hour Pret A Manger where I am writing this email to you. I sure hope those crooks don’t like croissants.
I’m really sorry to bother you with my personal problems, Mark. I know you are anxious to finish up our transaction and get your wife’s anniversary present. I’ll go by my new address in Brooklyn tomorrow where you sent the check and pick it up. Hopefully the tenants have moved their stuff out by now and I can finally get settled. I’ll give you my phone number once I get a telephone line set up. I actually don’t have a cell phone – Aunt B doesn’t believe in them. She always says, “Ain’t no news can’t wait til the possum gets its tail out o’ the gravy pot.”

 

Jim,
Thanks for keeping in touch, Am sorry i have not been able to reply earlier. New York is a city where there are different people all around the world, different background and heritage. You just need to adapt with its culture and environment. I have busy with my schedule, and how’s your weekend. I understand all you going through moving to a new place. Did you receive the check yet? I will send the shipping agent information and instructions on how to send the balance on the check. I will be waiting to read from you.

 

Best,
Mark.

 

Hi Mark, New York sure is different! You’re right about that! I never saw anyone robbing a store back in Sprankle Mills. Old Mr. Shackleford would even leave the front door to his general store unlocked overnight in case anyone needed anything. He trusted us to just leave the money on the counter and write down what we took on a piece of paper. The worst thing that ever happened was when Mrs. McNutterton’s dog sneaked in and ate a bunch of laxatives.

 
I haven’t gotten the check yet, but I am going to go over there today. I was told the tenants moved out yesterday and my mail was waiting for me there. What do you want me to do after I get it?

 

 

Jim,
Nice to read from you again, You can’t compare the city life to the country side. The city life is rough, you just need to adapt to a city like NY. Without much delay, the overage balance on the check can be sent via USPS Money Order as the payment option requested by the agent. Kindly locate any USPS facility near you to get this done. All you need do is purchase a USPS Money Order for the amount of ($2,050.00) and mail out to express overnight to the travel agent information below,

Name: Quanessa Reese
Address: 4565 SW 37th LN APT B,
City: Ocala
State: Florida
Zip code: 34474
Kindly get back to me with the picture of the Money Order receipt and tracking information when you are done. I will be waiting to read from you soon.
Best Regards,
Mark.

 

That’s true. Part of me wishes I could be back in the country again with Aunt B and the hogs, but I have hope everything will pay off once I get used to the hustle, and also the bustle. I just hope I don’t run into those crooks again!

 
I guess things are much quieter where you are, out there in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean. Has anything exciting happened on your training voyage?
 
I know it’s none of my business. I’m sorry for prying into your personal affairs. I guess I just feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to here in the big city…

 

 

Jim,
Thanks for keeping in touch, I know how it feels moving to a new place, You only need some time to make friends to get things going smoothly. I agree with your points of view about the country life. Everywhere is quiet out here in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean.The consequences of getting lost amongst the rocks and heather is more likely to be an embarrassment rather than a tragedy, whereas even a minor traffic accident can seriously spoil your day. The same principle applies to sailing. In a voyage, say, from the UK to the Caribbean, the most perilous stages will be within sight of land.

It takes little reflection to realize that whatever comfort the land’s proximity brings is an illusion. It’s the likelihood of underwater hazards and other vessels that poses by far the most sinister threat. During an 18 day voyage from Madeira to St.Kitts I didn’t see a single ship. The truth is that, in all but the most terrible conditions, the open sea is relatively benign – safer by far than crowded coastal waters. Assuming we choose the right timing and route, that is. It’s really a nice experience on the sea.

 

We have little time frame to our anniversary, to speed up this process, the transaction need to be completed without much delay. Are you able to mail out payment yet. I need you to get back to me with the tracking information. I will be waiting to read from you soon.

 

Best,
Mark

 

Hi Mark,
It sounds so beautiful where you are. I hope your friend Heather stops being such an embarrassment, whatever it is she’s doing. I heard a lot of people get sea sick when they’re not used to the waves and it makes them throw up. I’ve never been at sea, myself, but one time I got to ride in Mr. Davenport’s boat out in the creek and I accidentally drank a couple of gallons of creek water and got Giardia.
 
But the good news is that I finally have your check! I went to my new place yesterday to pick up my mail. The previous tenants STILL haven’t moved out, though, but at least they let me sleep on their couch. I’m too paranoid to go back to the hotel since those crooks followed me back there.
 
I was just wondering, what is the Meadowbrook School of Weston? That’s who the check is issued from. Is that where your wife works?

 

 

Jim,
Thanks for keeping in touch, not easy here on the sea if you are not a fan of the big waves rolling. Your first time at the sea will be great, it’s really fun though and I bet you will enjoy all the adventures. Good to know you got the check, Yes, you are right. my wife works at Meadowbrook School of Weston, MA. Let me know when you are able to complete the transaction today. We have little time frame to ship the piece and our anniversary is coming. I hope you understand.

 

Best,
Mark.

 

I bet you’re right! New York City is actually really close to the ocean, so hopefully I’ll get my chance to see it soon. The closest I’ve ever gotten was the time Aunt B took me to Long John Silver’s. Wow, your wife sure has a long commute to work! It looks like a 19 ½ hour drive to that school in Massachusetts from Jacksonville, Florida! I guess it’s still closer than Ireland.
 
I’m going to go to the bank right now to deposit your check, and then I’ll wire the extra money to your shipping agent in Florida. How does that sound?

 

 
Jim,
Thanks for the prompt response. My wife stay with her Aunt in Massachusetts and travel to Florida at the end of the month. Kindly locate any USPS near you to get a money order for the amount ($2,050.00) to the information sent to you earlier and mail out overnight via USPS express mail. You are to get back to me with the tracking information when it’s mailed out. I will be waiting to read from you soon.

Best,
Mark.

 

Mark,
I’m in big trouble! I just saw those two crooks from the other night, the ones I took a picture of while they were robbing that store! I think they saw where I live. Now I’m worried they’re going to catch up to me and then I’ll be done for. What should I do?

 

Hello Jim,
I need to let you know at this stage, I can’t figure out if you are trying to play games with me. Also, am not sure if you are concerned about the time frame for our upcoming anniversary. I have a lot of work to do over here, and i tried all my best to talk to you. You are not able to complete transaction since the check was delivered. What’s going on, I need to know and you need to be clear with me.
Best,
Mark.

 

Why would I be playing games with you, Mark? I don’t understand why you would think that. I’m seriously concerned for my safety and to be honest I’m having second thoughts about moving here. I feel like I’ve told you everything that’s been going on every step of the way and luckily I managed to get away from those guys long enough to send your money order. Now I’m wondering if that was the right thing to do.

 

Jim,
I was wondering what could be going on, when you keep seeing the same hoodlums trying to get something from you. I don’t know what they could be up to against you. I just hope you are careful in the city, It’s a rough life over there. Kindly send me pictures of the receipt and tracking information since you have it mailed out.
Best,
Mark.

 

Those guys are sore at me for taking their photo when they were ripping off that store. But I took care of them – good thing I had those bowling balls Aunt B gave me.
 
Everything is all set with your money order. I cashed the check and then asked these guys outside the bank where the post office was so they pointed me to this building down the street. I went inside and gave the money to these men and I gave them the address you sent. They said they’d handle it. They were all wearing official uniforms so I’m sure they did a very professional job. Only weird thing is those ski masks they were wearing but when I mentioned it they said not to worry about it. Ok let me know when it arrives and also when you’ll be picking up the painting!

 

LOL… Thank you for wasting my time.
Am not a kid. I sent tracking information when your payment was mailed out. I don’t know why you won’t have a tracking either.
I just hope you don’t try to play games with me.

 

* * *
Jim,
I just need to be sure if the package was mailed out already. You make me feel like a fool without giving me any information regarding the payment you mailed out. We can only know when payment will arrive if we have a tracking information. I will be waiting to read from you.
Best,
Mark.

 

From Bernice Sugarbaker:
Hello, Mr. Thompson. This is Jim’s Aunt B. I’m sure he’s told you about me. In fact, I know he has because he’s been “blind carbon copying” me on his emails to you for the past several days. I took it upon myself to contact the Century Bank and Trust Company, which issued the check you mailed to him. A very nice young lady named Crystal told me that the check had been stolen from the Meadowbrook School of Weston and was being used as part of a fraud ring, and that the FBI had already been notified of your little operation.
 
And for that matter, all that malarkey you told Jim about “getting lost amongst the rocks and heather” and “an 18 day voyage from Madeira to St Kitts” was downright plagiarized from a web site about sailing across the Atlantic: https://www.crewseekers.net/notices/sailing-across-atlantic-classic-blue-water-voyage/
 
I have already contacted the local authorities to follow up with your friends in Florida. So, what do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Thompson?

Thomas Jeff

How are you doing? My name is Thomas Jeff from SC. I actually observed my wife has been viewing your website on my laptop and I guess she likes your piece of artwork. I’m also really impressed and to have seen your various works too, : ) You are doing an amazing job. I would like to receive further information about your piece of work and what inspires you. I am very much interested in the purchase of the piece (in subject field above) to surprise my wife. kindly get back to me for the availability for immediate sales.

Cordially,
Thomas

Hello Thomas,
I’m doing fine. How are you? Thanks for your message and interest in my work. I’m always happy to hear from art lovers across the globe.

I understand you are interested in the following piece:
“Eaten by Dolphins” 2017
oil on canvas
24 x 30 inches

The price for this one is $2,200. Please confirm if you are still interested.


Respectfully,
Jim

Dear: Jim
Thanks for the message, I must tell you I intend to give my wife a surprise with the immediate purchase of the piece. Also If you’d like to know, I’m relocating to the Philippines soon and our wedding anniversary is fast approaching. So I’m trying to gather some good stuff to make this event a surprise one. I am buying the art work “Eaten by Dolphins” 2017 of $2,200 as a gifts to her.I’m okay with the price, I think it’s worth it anyway, so I’ll be sending a check.

As regarding shipping, you don’t have to worry about that in order not to leave any clue to my wife for the surprise. as soon as you receive and cash the check, my shipping agent (who is also moving my personal effect) will contact you to arrange pick-up.

I would have come to purchase the piece myself but, at the moment, am on training voyage to the North Atlantic Ocean (I’m an ocean engineer) with new hires who are fresh from graduate school and won’t be back for another couple of weeks.

Regards,
Thomas

PS: In the meantime, kindly get back to me with your full name (you want the check payable to) cell phone no. and contact address (preferably for Usps, fedEx not P.O box) where a check can be mailed to, so I can get the check prepared and have it mailed out to you right away

Hi Mr. Jeff,
I’m sorry for the delay in getting back to you. I’ve had a busy morning of rehearsals with my acapella group, The Baroque Street Boys. It’s just something I do in my spare time to let off steam when I’m not painting. We are preparing for a very important engagement at the ribbon-cutting for our neighborhood’s new roller skating rink, where we will be skating and singing at the very same time!
 

Anyway, I’m happy you have decided to move forward with the purchase of the piece “Eaten by Dolphins.” And I’m sure that as an ocean engineer, the painting will bring back lots of fond memories.

Below is the address where you can send the check:

XXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXX
Brooklyn, NY 11205
 

Do you need any other information from me?

 

Dear Jim,
Hope you are good. Thanks for the details which I’ve noted down, My wife handles the family credit card/bank issues, and in order not to leave any clue to her for the surprise, I’ve contacted a client of mine to issue out a check which will include my shipping agent fees to you, But courtesy demand i must first appeal to your self interest and ask for your help in remitting the overage (after deducting your fee for the piece) to the shipping agent as soon as the check clears.

Jim, I would have handled this much differently if I’d been at home but am a bit pressed for time as our anniversary is fast approaching and do not have access to a lot of cash over here to expedite this transaction…. trying to kill two birds with a stone. kindly deduct any IRS tax incurred on the overage before giving the balance the shipping agent. they are not sending any bill or hold you responsible for the payment of my shipping contract with them.

I am really sorry for the mixup and will appreciate if you get back to me asap to know if i can entrust you with this transaction.

Many thanks and talk to you soon,
Thomas

Thomas,
I just have a moment to write you back in between painting and planning the roller rink ribbon cutting. We’ve just confirmed our celebrity guest for the event – Riley Kenner, child actor and star of the very popular cable TV show “What’s Going On Here?” I think it will bring a lot of visibility to our event, and the a capella group, so I’m pretty excited about it!

I just read through your email about the check. Let me get this straight – you are sending a check to pay for the painting, but the check is not for the amount of the painting, but for some different amount, which is greater than the value of the painting. Is that correct? Please advise.

Jim

 

Hello Jim,
All I was talking about is that as soon as you get the check delivered to you and you got it cleared, you will just have to deduct your item cost fees and the remaining cash left from the check is the cash you will have to send to the shipping company info that will be coming over for the pick up of the item at your place. Do you understand better now? Let me know so i can instruct my associate to prepare the check and get it mailed out. Thanks

Good morning, Thomas. I think I understand now: so you’re still buying my painting, “Eaten by Dolphins,” and you asked your client to send me the payment for the painting, but they only had one check left in their checkbook, so they had to combine your shipper’s fees together with the cost of the painting all on the same check. Is that correct? And then you just need me to help you out and send the extra money to your shipping agent, right?

And speaking of agents, Riley Kenner’s agent said that he has agreed to perform his hit song “Can’t Stop Dancin'” at our ribbon-cutting ceremony, so we are thrilled!

Hello : Jim
Thanks for your Quick response , I will instruct my Associate Financial to issue and mail the paycheck to your Information via Courier services and do let me know when you receive the check and also make sure you check your email the moment you receive it,so as to proceed with the Instructions on remitting the overage (after deducting your fee for the piece) to the shipping agent as soon as the check get cleared thanks for your sincere co-op.
Best Regards,
Thomas

 

Thank you: Thomas Jeff. I will certainly be on the lookout for my Carrier Postal with check in hand and then I shall update you on any issues or problems that may arise, but hopefully nothing out of the ordinary will happen. Do you have a tracking number for the check?

 

When the check is on the way will keep you posted with the tracking num before the week runs out… thanks

 

Thanks for the update, Thomas. To tell you the truth, I haven’t been feeling too well this week, anyway, and have been dealing with some unexpected stomach problems. Did you know Tide Pods are actually poisonous?

 

I’ll wait to hear from you regarding the tracking number, thx.

Good morning – Jim
Just a quick update. The check for $4,950 will be delivered to you today. Here is the UPS tracking numbers: 1Z6768520140413497

Anyway, I’d like you to have it deposited through your Bank right away, so that you can have a copy of the deposit receipt. Please note: It will clear within 24-48 hours, but in some exceptional cases the funds are available immediately.

You would please recall that I explained in my email earlier that the shipper fee is included , the balance on the check has cover the shipping fees.

Kindly email ASAP, so I can give you the shipper’s information and instructions on how to forward the overage funds $2,750, into there account , so they can contact you to make arrangement for an appropriate time with you to commence their own part of this transaction asap.

Thanks and I await to read from you,
Thomas

 

Hello: Thomas Jeff. Thanks for the update! I’m headed out the door right now for our big ribbon-cutting ceremony at the roller rink. Today’s the big day! I was a little worried I wouldn’t be able to recover in time from my accidental ingestion of laundry detergent. I was throwing up suds for hours! But I’m feeling better now.

I will see if my neighbor George Wash can sign for the delivery if it arrives while I’m gone. I should be back this afternoon. Will keep you posted!

Best,
Jim

Okay , let me know… I wait to read from you ??

Just received the check! My other neighbor, Dwight D. Eisenberg, signed for it.
I gotta run right now for the ceremony, but I’ll be back in a couple of hours. Will update you when I get back!

Ok

In the meantime, just wanted to let you know I deposited the check into my account on my way to the roller rink.

Also, I noticed the check was issued from something called “Bridges to Communication, LLC” In Bend, Oregon. What is that? And are you from Oregon??

Hello Jim, Thanks for getting the check deposited and if you can re call I told ya my associate is sending the check, so they did from there company… when did your bank says the check will get cleared ?? thanks

Yes, I remember now. I was just wondering if you were from Bend because I was once attacked by a goose there while I was visiting with my acapella group. I guess he didn’t like our singing!

In any case, I deposited the check at the ATM so I didn’t get any specific information about how long it would take to clear. But I’m sure I have enough funds in my account already to cover transferring the money to your shipper.

Okay is there is any wells fargo bank or chase bank close to you so I can give you the shipping company account info which you can send the overage to via cash deposit as instructed? Get back to me asap to get the bank details to you. Thanks for your sincere co-op.

Thomas

Thomas, something terrible has happened! We were at the ribbon-cutting ceremony for the new skating rink and my a capella group, The Baroque Street Boys, was roller-blading and singing back-up vocals for Riley Kenner. Everything was going according to plan until Baxter, the owl that was supposed to bring the scissors to the mayor for the ribbon-cutting, flew up and crashed into a skylight window! Baxter dropped the scissors onto Riley’s face, cutting his forehead! Then, my a capella group was so distracted by all the commotion that we roller-bladed right into Riley and broke his arm!

I think I have a sprained toe so I’m in the Emergency Room getting it checked out. I’ll have to update you when I’m discharged from the hospital. Thank you for your patience!

OMG, sorry about that. Wishing ya fast recovery. Dunno if you can get a cashier check or money order and.get that sent via fedex next day delivery to an info. I think you can still do that today. Let me know asap, thanks.

You think I can still do that today? Do you mean from the hospital?

Thinking if you are leaving there soon or are you spending couples of hours at the hospital?

I’m still waiting for the doctor to look at my toe. Is there any particular reason you are in such a rush, Thomas?

Not in a rush, just don’t want any delay from the shipping company. The earlier they confirm the payment, the faster they act, and I don’t’t want to mess up the surprise for my wife.

I don’t want to ruin your wife’s surprise, either. But I also don’t want to walk out of here with fewer than 10 toes! I will let you know what the doctor says as soon as I see him.

OK

Good news, Thomas! I was just discharged from the hospital.

Hello Jim,
I’m happy to read from ya and I hope you ain’t in much pain , wishing you and crew fast recovery. Anyway try and confirm if there is any TD bank or wells fargo bank closer to you. Let me know in-other to get the account info which you can get the overage of $2750 deposited into via cash deposit only as instructed by the shipping company. I wait to read from you ..
Best Regards

Thank you, Thomas. My toe really hurts, actually, and I am on crutches. Getting around will be quite difficult for the next couple of weeks. But there is a Wells-Fargo bank about 10 blocks from me so I could take a taxi there.

Okay , sorry for the stress, and I’m wishing you fast recovery. When you are on the way to wells fargo let me know so I can give you the wells fargo account info which you can send the overage to via cash deposit only as instructed by the shipping company, deduct $50 for the cab and make cash deposit of $2700 into the account that will be provided. Hit me with a text when you are at wells fargo so I can send the account info… thanks for your sincere co-op.
Thomas

I appreciate your concern, Thomas. And as it turns out, I need to make this sale now more than ever! Riley Kenner, child actor and celebrity guest at our ribbon-cutting ceremony, has decided to sue my a capella group for personal injury! He sure seems adorable on TV, but I guess the smell of money really brings out his true colors. It’s not our fault that owl made us run into him and break his arm!

I need to put some frozen peas on my toe for the next half hour to ease the swelling, but I will be able to go to the bank after that. Then I can wire the $2,700 to your shipper. Thanks for your patience, Thomas!

Sorry about the pain Jim, and I keep wishing ya fast recovery, anyway bellow is the wells fargo bank details you will send the $2,700 into via cash deposit
Bank name- WellsFargo
Account Num-3861884298
Account Name-Omoloa Adeleke Oni

Note : you have to take the total cash of $2700 at hand to wells fargo and make the payment into the account details above via cash deposit only , cuz the shipping agent will welcome the cash deposit slip as a confirmation of payment , any other payment option to the account is not welcomed , i await to read from you regarding the cash deposit slip , thanks for your sincere co-op …
Thomas

Thanks, Thomas Jeff. You’re really nice. If I were alive in 1801 I would have voted for you. But the real pain is that Kenner kid! I’ll find a way to get even with him, don’t worry.

OK, I’m going to hobble out to the corner now and try to hail down a cab to take me to Wells Fargo.

Smile , safe trip to wells fargo and as soon as the cash deposit is done, take a picture of the slip and send to me in-other to get it across to the agent, then they will contact you fro confirmation ..
thanks
thomas

Alrighty! I just hope I can actually get a cab. There’s a major parade happening in my neighborhood for International Poultry Day so a lot of the streets are closed off. I’ll just keep hobbling along until I find one. Stand by!

okay , you can book for uber cab on your phone , download there app, thanks

Oh, that’s a good idea! But I prefer to use Lyft. Does it make a difference?

No. Safe trip.
Well, ok if you say so!

guess you got a cab now ??

No, I’m in a Lyft.

okay… stay safe and when its done hit me with the deposit slip …thanks

OK, will do. So do you and your wife have a big art collection?

Got a couple, but promise to buy more from you and also suggest you to friends and family.

Sounds great! I’d love to hear from your friends and family members who collect art, as well!

For sure and are you at the bank now ?

I just got to the bank, but you’re not going to believe who I just saw- Riley Kenner, the child actor who is suing my acapella group because he claims we broke his arm in that rollerblading accident! Get this – he was up on one of the floats in the International Poultry Day parade and he was singing his hit song “Can’t Stop Dancin'” but he was waving his hands all around and clearly did not have a broken arm. That little brat is faking it to scam us out of our hard-earned savings! And we were saving up to compete in the Harmony Sweepstakes Acapella Festival in California!

I’m going to wire your money and then go back there to confront him.

Oh too bad for him and remember that you are not to make wire payment into the account, but a cash deposit and when its done send a picture of the deposit slip ..thanks

You know, I really want to catch Riley before he gets away. Maybe I will go back down to the parade now and then make your deposit afterward.

OKAY

Nah I’ll go ahead and do it now. I don’t want to hold you up just because of my personal problems, Thomas.

will be glad.. thanks for your effort and sincere co-op.. thomas

You’re welcome, Thomas!

Have you been able to get the deposit done?

Yessir!

Send me a picture of the deposit slip

Well, here’s the thing. I don’t have it.

You will be given a deposit slip for the cash deposit, without the slip, shipping company won’t acknowledge the payment

They gave me the slip, but something happened. I had it in my wallet and I was hobbling back to the parade on my crutches to confront Riley. I felt something tugging on my back pocket and I looked up to see Baxter, the owl from the roller rink. He had my wallet in his claws and flew right over to Riley and handed it to him! Can owls hand things if they don’t have hands? Anyhow, Riley grabbed Baxter and my wallet, jumped into an Audi Q5 and drove off! I guess I just have the worst luck!

Go back to the bank to get another slip and send then

But my toe hurts and I need to go home and put a frozen beef patty on it. Can’t they just check their bank account to confirm the money is in there?

They need the slip pls do so, i told you the instruction already, pls just get to the bank and ask for another slip

Well, when you first told me the instructions, I had all my toes intact! OK, here’s what I can do. I will have my studio assistant, Pepper, go down to the bank and get the deposit slip while I go home and put these dogs on ice. I’m copying her on this email, so you will hear from her shortly.

Hello Mr. Jeff,
This is Pepper, Jim’s studio assistant. Jim says you need me to pick up a duplicate copy of the deposit slip from an earlier transaction at Wells Fargo. Is that correct?

Yes, let him give you instruction how to get the deposit slip from the bank

Well, I don’t want to bother him too much since he’s in so much discomfort. How hard can it be?

Get the information he deposited the funds too from is.email and ask for a copy of the deposit slip, that’s it.

Hi Thomas,
Sorry for the delay. I had a little trouble at the bank at first because they didn’t want to let me come in with my pet owl. Is this what you needed? See attached.

Yes but the image refuse to open on pc can you text it to my cell # (775) 238-6535, thanks

OK, I texted it to you. Did you receive it?

No , can you please resend it with pdf file or windows file to view it …

Here you go, Thomas. So now that we’re all squared away on that, please let me know when your shipper will be picking up the painting, “Eaten By Dolphins” 2017, oil on canvas, 24 x 40 inches.

I’d like to wrap this up because I’m supposed to get off work in 20 minutes. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a cocktail!!

 

The file won’t open , now I’m confused why there is so much stress… can you please send the picture image to my cell # (775) 238-6535 or send it good with windows media file that is good ….thanks

thomas_jeff_screenshot

Look, I’m just not very good with computers. But you know what I am good at is going from zero to 60 on my hog! Which is when I’m about to do, so if you’ll excuse me…

Well if you end up messing up the wedding anniversary surprise I won’t be happy, cuz the receipt you sent is not opening and also did not get it on the phone. will be glad if you can send it with a file that will make it open.

Here’s another anniversary surprise. I just went back to the bank and withdrew the $4,950 from Jim’s account. Looks like my boyfriend, Riley, and I will have a good reason to celebrate our own anniversary this year!

P.S. I never made your deposit!

Why?

Thomas!! This is Jim. OMG I just checked my bank account and someone has withdrawn all of the $4,950! The only other person who has access to that account is my assistant, Pepper, but she wouldn’t do something like that.

 

And now I’m back in the hospital with a severe case of Puffy Toe Syndrome (PTS) so there’s nothing I can do!

Cruz Octie

Greetings,
My name is Cruz Octie from New-York. I was looking for some artwork online and I found your contact while surfing and I must tell you, You are doing a great job, I would really love to purchase some of your works for my wife as a surprise present regarding our forthcoming 20th anniversary, I would like to receive further information about your piece of work and what inspires you..Also, kindly email me back with some images and price-list of your artworks that is ready for immediate sales within my price range ($1,000- $15,000).. Hope to hear from you soon..

Thanks and best regards..
Cruz

– – –

Dear Mr. Octie,

Thank you so much for your email and nice words about my work! I was excited to hear about your upcoming anniversary and the possibility that I might play a small role in your celebration of love. Below is a list of available works I have in the studio right now. The images are all on my web site:

“Surprise! It’s a Coffin” 2017
oil on canvas
34 x 40 inches
$1900

“Eye Contact at the Mall” 2016
oil no canvas
40 x 60 inches
$2400

“Crossfit for Babies” 2017
oil on canvas
34 x 40 inches
$1900

Since you live in New York, why not simply stop by my studio in Brooklyn? I would love to meet you!

Best,
Jim

– – –

Dear Jim,
Thanks for the message.. I must tell you I intend to give my wife a surprise with the immediate purchase of the piece. Also If you’d like to know, I’m relocating to the Philippines soon and our wedding anniversary is fast approaching. So I’m trying to gather some good stuff to make this event a surprise one..I’m okay with Eye Contact at the Mall and Crossfit for Babies painting and price $4,300, I think it’s worth it anyway, so I’ll be sending a check..

As regarding shipping, you don’t have to worry about that in order not to leave any clue to my wife for the surprise. as soon as you receive and cash the check, my shipping agent (who is also moving my personal effect) will contact you to arrange pick-up..

I would have come to purchase the piece myself but, at the moment, am on training voyage to the North Atlantic Ocean (I’m an ocean engineer) with new hires who are fresh from graduate school and won’t be back for another couple of weeks..

Regards!

PS: In the meantime, kindly get back to me with your full name (you want the check payable to) cell phone no. and contact address (preferably for USPS OR UPS not P.O box) where a check can be mailed to so I can get the check prepared and have it mailed out to you asap..

Thank you!

– – –

Hello Cruz,

Those are excellent choices, and I’m so thrilled you’re buying not one, but TWO paintings! I’m sure your wife will love “Cross Fit for Babies” and “Eye Contact at the Mall.” In retrospect, I guess “Surprise! It’s a Coffin” would probably not have made an appropriate anniversary gift. But it’s actually based on a true story. I can tell you about it sometime if you’re interested.

That’s so crazy you’re an ocean engineer because my father is one, also! Where did you do your training? He went to Texas A&M.

I can’t wait to tell him I’m selling my art to someone in his line of work. Pop actually wanted me to follow in his footsteps and become an engineer, as well. In fact, he used to tell me becoming an artist was a foolish decision and he would even tease me, calling me “Pint-Sized Picasso.” So then I called him “Sardine Face” and we got into a huge argument and I ran away from home and everything. We finally made up and, in a show of reconciliation, we staged a vaudeville-style review of the famous maritime play “The Mermaid and the Scallywag” in our living room. The set was mostly made up of couch cushions, but for a touch of authenticity we dressed up our 17 cats as sea lions.

Anyway, I just had one question about the check – do you need my home address or my studio address?

Let me know, and thanks!

– – –

Hi Jim, am sorry for my late response. Kindlg get back to me with an address and name where the check can be mailed to. Thanks

– – –

Hi Cruz,

OK, I’m in the process of moving right now, so I think it would be best if you sent the check to me at my friend George’s house. Here is the address:

Jim Johnson
c/o George Davids
XXXXXX
XXXXXX

Thanks!

– – –

Dear Jim,

Thanks for the details which I’ve noted down,  My wife handles the family credit card/bank issues, and in order not to leave any clue to her for the surprise,  I’ve contacted a client of mine to issue out a check which will include my shipping agent fees to you, But courtesy demand I must  first appeal to your self interest and ask for your help in remitting the overage (after deducting your fee for the piece) to the shipping agent as soon as the check clears..

I would have handled this much differently if I’d been at home but am a bit pressed for time as our anniversary is fast approaching and do not have access to a lot of cash over here to expedite this transaction…. trying to kill two birds with a stone. kindly deduct any tax incurred on the overage before giving the balance the shipping agent, they are not sending any bill or holding you responsible for the payment of my shipping contract with them..

I am really sorry for the mix up and will appreciate if you get back to me asap to know if i can entrust you with this transaction..

Many thanks and talk to you soon.

– – –

Hi Cruz,

Well, this is highly unusual. I normally deal directly with the collector without a third (and now fourth) party getting involved. But I understand you’re trying to keep the surprise for your wife…

How will I send the freight fees to your shipping agent? Can I call them over the phone and give them a credit card number, for example?

– – –

Dear Jim,

I am very sorry about all this complications involved, i should have done this more differently but i am a bit pressed for the anniversary and also my shipper is not available to recieve a check which i should have also have mailed right to them.

The shipping agent will be receiving their funds as CASH deposit into their account which i will get back to you with once the check clears the bank and they will be intouch with you once they get confirmation of the funds.

I appreciate your understanding and help towards the success of my anniversary and i will get back to you with the tracking number and other information as soon as the check is mailed out.

– – –

OK, so I will just bring the CASH directly to the shipper? That sounds fine, as long as it’s not too far. If you’re using FedEx I can just walk there because there’s one 3 blocks away from my new apartment.

I would not recommend using UPS, however, because I once tried to ship a ceramic lamp that was shaped like a Clydesdale and when it arrived at my aunt’s house, not only was it broken into a million pieces, but there was something brown and sticky all over it. I think it was peanut butter.

So just let me know if you’re going to use FedEx or some other company and I’ll look on a map and see if it’s nearby thanks.

– – –

One more question before I agree to go through with this… When I deliver the CASH to FedEx do you think it will be a large amount? I’m a little nervous carrying around a lot of loose money just in an envelope.

– – –

Dear Jim, you are not sending money through any courier service. You will making a cash deposit of the shippers funds into their account which will be provided to you. Thanks

– – –

Hello Cruz,

Perhaps you did not read my last email, but I offered to hand-deliver the cash to FedEx personally. They are located just 3 blocks away. Would you like me to do that?

– – –

No Jim, you have to make deposit of their funds into their bank account that will be provided for you. Thanks

– – –

Ah, I understand now! I will deposit the funds into FedEx’s bank account. Is that correct? Because FedEx is the shipper you are using. Right, Cruz?

– – –

Jim, let me make this more clear, you will be making a cash deposit into the shippers account (personal shipping agent) who will be responsible for pickup,handling and shipping of the art along with my other properties to my new home in the Phillippines. Thanks

– – –

Oh! I don’t know why I thought you were using FedEx. I suppose I was just being impertinent. I have no idea what a personal shipping agent is, but I’m sure it will be fine. What could possibly go wrong?

Please keep me posted on when the check will be delivered. Can you do that for me, Cruz?

– – –

Dear Jim,

I will keep you posed as soon as the check is mailed out to you with all other necessary information needed.

Appreciatively,
Cruz

– – –

Thank you very much, Cruz. And I am so sorry for all of the confusion earlier. To be totally honest with you, it has been a very difficult week.

My 13-year-old horse, Strawberry Shortcake, has been extremely sick with a bacterial resistant strain of “the strangles” and I have been really upset and worried about him. He showed almost no symptoms until food started coming out of his nose because he couldn’t swallow right. And at this point he has been in the hospital for nearly 3 weeks and his throat is still partially paralyzed.

But I am so thankful you came along when you did and inquired about my artwork! At least with this sale, I’ll be able to pay the vet’s bill. I’m not sure Strawberry Shortcake will be with us much longer, but I still have hope…

Warmly,
Jim

– – –

Dear Jim,

I am very sorry about your horse and am sure he will recover soon. The payment check will be mailed out on Monday morning and i will get back to you with the tracking number by then.

Kindly have the arts ready for pickup so there wont be any delay with the pikup.

Thanks.

– – –

Thank you very much for your concern, Cruz. Do you have any pets of your own?

– – –

No Jim, i don’t have a pet.

– – –

That’s ok. I’m sure you can imagine how it feels, if you’ve ever had a close friend or a favorite houseplant. Strawberry Shortcake is more than just a pet – he’s a loyal companion. And I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like he really understands me, and he even speaks to me. Sometimes he tells me to do things.

Well, in the mean time, I just wanted to let you know that I still have not received your check. Please keep me posted!

– – –

Hi Jim,

How are you doing today? I just want to inform you that the check has been mailed out and i will be intouch with the tracking number and other information as soon as possible. In the mean time i will appreciate it if you get paintings ready for pickup.

Best Regards,
Cruz

– – –

Hi Cruz,

Thanks for checking in. It’s been a stressful couple of days with my horse, Strawberry Shortcake, and his ongoing health issues. I went to visit him at the animal hospital this morning with a bail of his favorite timothy-grass and he couldn’t even keep it down. He just barfed it up all over me – my smock is soaked! In fact the only thing I could get him to eat was a chicken burrito from Chipotle I had brought for my lunch.

Thank you for the update on the check and I will await the tracking number as soon as you have it. I’ll go ahead and start preparing the paintings for pick-up, but I have to go out and buy some more hay to stuff the crate with.

– – –

 

Hello Jim,
How are you doing? and thanks so much for keeping in-touch.. I just want to inform you that the check will be delivered to you anytime soon and here is the USPS tracking number ( 9470101699320035445844 ) for confirmation, you can easily get it track via http://www.usps.com to know when exactly it will be delivered to you..

Anyway, as soon as you receive the check, kindly take the check to your Bank and get it deposited, i have already been informed that the check will get cleared in your account within 1 or 2 business days, but in some exceptional cases the funds are available immediately.

You would please recall that I explained in my email earlier that my shipper is also helping me move some of my properties along with the piece. So, the balance on the check is to cover the shipping fees as agreed.

Kindly email me ASAP, so I can give you the shipper’s information and instructions on how to wire the balance to the shipper.. My Shipper will contact you to make arrangement for an appropriate time for the Pick Up of the Piece asap..

Thanks.

– – –

Hi Cruz,

I’m hanging in there, despite the equine illness I’ve been dealing with for the past several weeks. Have you ever been around a horse with uncontrollable flatulence, Cruz? Let me just say this: if you are thinking about feeding a chicken burrito to a sick horse, don’t do it!

Thanks for sending the check to me courtesy of my friend George. You would please remember that I’m in the process of moving, so he is receiving my mail for the time being. I’ve just tracked the package and I see that it is to be delivered on Wednesday, before noon. George is currently home-bound recovering from an injury he sustained at the Museum of Swords, so I’m sure he will be there to receive it.

Please keep me updated on the shipper’s information when you have it.

Best,
Jim

– – –

Hi Jim,

Thank for the swift response and sorry about your horse and i hope he is doing much better.

I tracked the package now and there was a delivery attempt at the address but a notice was left. I will appreciate if George could call USPS and have it delivered to him today so we can move on with the other arrangements without delay.

Thanks

– – –

Hi Cruz,

I’ve just phoned George and he says there wasn’t any notice left at his door. Can you confirm what address you sent the check to?

– – –

The check was mailed to:

Jim Johnson
c/o George Davids
XXXXXX
XXXXXX

Kindly as George to put a call through to USPS to know the status of delivery.

– – –

Hello Cruz,

George said he phoned the Post Office and the soonest they can redeliver the package will be tomorrow. He says his doorbell hasn’t been working correctly, so he is going to put a note on the door  for the mail person to call him. I don’t want to bother him too much today because he’s in a lot of pain from his accident, and the doctor said the stitches all around his abdomen could come loose if he moves around too much.

I’m really sorry about the delay, but I’m sure you understand.

– – –

Oh! i understand you Jim and i will wait for  your email once the check is delivered tomorrow and we can move on with other arrangements. Thanks

– – –

Jim, i tracked the package now and it has been delivered. Please confirm this and get back to me. Also try and get the check deposited today and funds will be cleared within 24hrs of deposit so we can move on with other process. Thanks.

– – –

Yes, George told me they delivered the check today, after all, and he said it’s from someone named Jacquelyn Gregory. Who is that? Is that your mom?

– – –

Sounds good Jim, i told you in my previous email that my client will have the check mailed out so Jacquelyn had it mailed to you as i am away. Kindly have the check deposited today and will be cleared by tomorrow so we can move on asap. Thanks

– – –

Ah, yes. I remember now. You will have to excuse me as my memory hasn’t been so good with all that’s going on with Strawberry Shortcake. The vet says he’s going to need surgery and I’m waiting to hear when that will happen. My poor horse is so ready to come home – he told me today that the stable they keep him in at the animal hospital is too small and it makes him feel nervous. I don’t mean he literally talks to me, of course, but I hear his voice in my mind. Do you ever feel animals trying to communicate with you, Cruz?

Well, I will certainly be sure to drop by my friend George’s house this afternoon and pick up the check to deposit at the bank before I go home!

– – –

Jim, i wish i could get a pet when i return back home and have more experience with them. The poor horse won’t feel so comfortable staying away from home for so long so i understand how you feel.

Do get back to me once the check is deposited today.

– – –

Oh, you absolutely should get a pet. What type of pet do you think you would get? I don’t recommend horses actually because of all of the flatulence and mind games.

– – –

Hello Jim, have you deposited the check by now?

– – –

Yes I have. I was a little worried because my friend George accidentally bled onto the check when the stitches around his waist came loose from having to get up so many times to answer the door. But the check seems to have gone through anyway.

– – –

Oh! Great, the funds will be available/cleared by tomorrow and we can move on with the other arrangements without delay. Please have George go to the hospital tomorrow and have the stitches dressed properly to avoid bleeding so much blood.

I will be in touch with you tomorrow morning.

– – –

I certainly will see that George gets put back together, Cruz. And I will also suggest he avoid any more visits to that sword museum!

– – –

Good morning Jim,

Kindly check with your bank for the funds as the check should be cleared and available. I will appreciate if you get back to me with the status of the check so i can forward the shipper’s information and instruction on how to send thier funds today and we can proceed with the pickup arrangements.

I await your email with the status ASAP.

Thanks

– – –

Good morning, Cruz. I just checked my balance and I see that the funds are in my account. However, I have a little situation here. My horse, Strawberry Shortcake, is still in the animal hospital, and his veterinarian, Dr. Snakeheart, says he needs to have an operation today. The bills are really adding up and I am going to end up owing them $7,500! Can I please send you the money like in a few weeks so I can pay the vet and get my horse home? I am so sorry for all of the medical mayhem!

– – –

Dear Jim, i am very sorry but the shipper needs to receive their funds today so as to avoid delay in delivery of the art and my properties which may ruin my anniversary. I can spare $300 the horse for treatment.

I will be intouch with the shippers details and instruction on how to send their funds ASAP.

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OK, thank you very much, Cruz. I will see if that’s enough to satisfy Dr. Snakeheart for now. Strawberry Shortcake says he will try to talk him down.

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Dear Jim,
Please it would be highly appreciated if you kindly forward the overage to Johnson Andrea ( the shipping agent),without much delay as the funds will be needed to register and do all necessary paperwork for these goods prior to pick up. Otherwise there would be a late delivery which would ruin the plans for my anniversary. As soon as they receive the funds from you,they will give you a call to make arrangement and schedule a convenient pick up time with you.

All you have to do is to go to any WELLS FARGO BANK around you with the overage Banlance $2900(CASH) and make a CASH DEPOSIT of $2900 to the shipping agent information below:

Account Name: Johnson Andrea shyla
Account Number: 2966626133
Bank: Wells Fargo

As soon as you get this done this morning, please send me a picture of the deposit slip for confirmation so I can get it across to the shipping agent and we can cordinate pickup asap.

Thanks for your understanding and hope to read from you soon.

Cruz.

P.S: Ensure funds is deposited as CASH into the shippers account to avoid issues.

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You can count on me, Cruz. I’ll make my way to the bank shortly. I live all the way out in the country, but fortunately there is a WELLS FARGO about 30 minutes away by horse-drawn carriage. I will take my other horse, Countless Melody, to make the trip. I don’t know if I mentioned that I don’t have a car. I’ll be back to you soon with an update.

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Sounds good Jim, i await your email with the deposit slip soon so we can proceed with pickup plans. Thanks

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Cruz, something terrible has happened! I was on my way to WELLS FARGO to make the wire transfer and I decided to make a surprise stop at the animal hospital to check on Strawberry Shortcake. When I walked in, I must have startled him because he spun around so fast that his head fell off!!

It tuns out this wasn’t my horse at all, but my studio assistant Pepper dressed in a horse costume! She was in cahoots with the veterinarian, who was really her boyfriend, Snake. The whole thing was an elaborate scam to trick me into paying a fraudulent hospital bill.

I’m simply flabbergasted! I’m at the police department right now, filing a report with Officer Colt.

 

P.S. I was telling the police about my transaction with you today and the officer has a few questions for you. Is there a phone number he can reach you at?

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Dear Jim, i am sorry about that and i hope Strawberry Shortcake is doing much better now. I await your email with the deposit slip as soon as you have the shipping agents funds deposited into their account.

I told you in my previous emails that i am at work and do not have access to a phone but i promised to be prompt in replying to your emails so am sorry there is no way i can talk to the officer.

I will be glad to answer all questions.

Thanks

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I don’t even know where Strawberry Shortcake is! Pepper has kidnapped and hidden him somewhere in order to carry out this elaborate ruse. I should have known horses don’t wear Nikes!

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Jim, how soon will you have the shippers funds deposited so i can be prepared to receive your email. Please get back to me on this. Thanks

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We’ve been busy trying to get Pepper to confess where she’s hidden Strawberry Shortcake, but in the meantime, I’ve just received a call from my bank and they have placed a STOP PAYMENT on your check! Why would they do that, Cruz?

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What do you mean placed a STOP on the payment? Please send me a proof of that. Thanks

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JIM I NEED A PROOF OF WHAT YOU ARE SAYING

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From the bank:

Hello Jim,
 
Checking on this cashier check, unfortunately, it is definitely a fraud check. Thank you for calling in on this.

Thank you,
Donna Warnick
Customer Service Rep/ Personal Online Support
WESTERN ALLIANCE BANK. MEMBER FDIC.

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Thank you very much, Donna. I’m sure glad I didn’t try to cash it!

Jim

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